


I Came To Break The Walls That Rose Around You.

by Hexworthy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Asexual Lance, Booktuber AU, Fluff, Gratuitous book references, Lance can be read as neurodivergent, M/M, Mutual Pining, angst resolution, one bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-06-02 22:19:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19450615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexworthy/pseuds/Hexworthy
Summary: Shiro didnt mean to see Lance, a long term crush and fellow book tuber, at his place of work. He definitely didnt know what possessed him to offer to collab with Lance either.Lance was surprised when the person he admired most sent him a message and maybe life isnt as bad as it could have been.Full of ups and downs maybe, they are what the other has been looking for all along.





	1. A Heart Is A Heavy Burden

**Author's Note:**

> To anyone who left comments really. 
> 
> Beta read and helped me to edit is the lovely @dancinginthesunlight!!!!! Amazing and fun to work with - thanks for putting up with all my typos <3
> 
> You guys really made me want to write this and well, thank you. I had an idea and I ran with it and without those little bits of encouragement and validation this would never have seen the light of day.
> 
> Also there is a part in this where you may find it had Dan and Phil vibes. I am not a fan of either but I still know what has happened. What had been written here was written before their videos but they have my respect for their choices. What I have written has no relation to their videos, only that they review books with youtube as a platform choice.

**Transcript of video for you guys, subtitles have been made too!**

_Hi guys, gals and anyone in between! So (bookcase falls down and books on the floor. Two guilty children - yes the two tiny terrors - are seen on the side) well this was gonna be my review of The Abyss Surrounds us because LESBIAN PIRATES. YES, THEY’RE LESBIANS HAROLD, LESBIANS. Now it's gonna be watch your fave Lancey-Lance redo the bookcase cos my ass can't just redo one book shelf._

_(Camera pans to the 5 book cases, the usual posters on the royal blue walls. A space haunter can be seen bc I’m a nerd like that)_

_So some heathen will just rearrange this like normal people but not me. (Camera points at the bed. A tall, dashingly handsome man of your dreams starts to place books off the shelves and onto the bed and surrounding flooring)_

_(Massive amounts of noise because cobwebs.)_

_HOW AM I MEANT TO GET AROUND THIS….. I didn't think this through did I?_

_(Flynn Ryder Smoulder^™and cuts to new scene)_

_So all five book cases are clear now! How do I arrange my books I hear you ask! So I’m a good book lover and its by importance and kept together as a series. I must have order. Having a rainbow gradient is cool and that, and I am all for the gayness of it but. Books must be by author and series otherwise I won’t find them… (The idiot almost falls over a book stack) Oops._

_(1812 Overture plays as that wonderful guy dances whilst putting books away at a x5 pace)_

_Soooo I was expecting to do a longer video but that’s gonna have to wait. I need my revenge and I’m feeling somewhat brilliant right now._

_As always, see you next time!_

_(Lance waves and leans into to turn everything off and flashes a grin)_

Shiro looked at his screen and he couldn't help the smile that appeared, having seen the notification about the newest video and placed a bookmark in The Night Circus. He picked up the book once more as Zee sat on his chest and flicked her tail in his face. As much as he loved the black maine coon, he wanted the time to read. He had had enough of looking at student’s exam papers and was more than happy to begin his summer of relaxation. No seminars to attend or speak at, no meeting or administration work to do. Just four months of freedom and to relax, the way he had deserved to. Even if Zatanna had decided to use him as her bed rather than the multiple other places she could sleep. 

Zee kneaded his shirt and got comfy, and Shiro got comfy before he would need to move. The words of the pages became images in his head and he fell in love with the book, the same as he did every time he read it. The Night Circus was just something he would never stop reading and he certainly didn't have five different covers or considering getting the foreign language covers either. Zee was just mewing things, and was not on his book depository wish list. 

He felt his eyes slowly drift down as Zee started to purr in her sleep in the sunspot. He bookmarked the page and let sleep take him. He felt safer with Zee on his chest and a book on his lap. Shiro barely dreamed and allowed himself to be woken by Zatanna when the sun had set and the stars had come out to greet the world. 

“Come on girl, lets get your food and then I can get round to filming this video,” he said as he measured out a pouch of wet food. 

Shiro set up his camera and started to record. 

“Hi peeps! It's your average very tired Dr Shiro here who is very glad to be as free as the students I teach! The year is over, papers have been marked and the student that decided to doodle some realistic things got a pity point. I’m ready to hit the books -”

“-Meeeewww.” A ball of fur climbed up his back and draped herself over Shiro’s shoulders. 

“The lady demands her attention! Say Hi, Zee!”

“Meeow”

“Such a good girl! So I just finished reading Our Dark Duet by V E Schwab - don't forget I have an interview with her on a series of topics so link down below - and I just Wow. I didn't expect to feel as much as I did. It was a good end to the duology and the feelings it had conveyed was strong. It made me emote a lot. There was the humour and just the rawness of what was happening. Like you have the three monsters, those that are created from the acts of humans - especially the Sunai, and the humans themselves. The good and the bad. 

“It was heartwarming and melancholic and I’d highly recommend it to anyone who likes post apocalyptic and a story that resonates with the modern world!

“As I have a lot of free time now I’ll be reviewing the Red Rising Series, so Lo fellow Howlers! I can't guarantee anything that will happen in next weeks video, including any wolf skins!” 

Zee moved of his shoulder and started to walk on the keyboard and the recording ended. He did the bare minimum of editing and posted it. He was tired and couldn't care less if it wasn't up to his usual standard. Posting something at this point was better than extended the self imposed hiatus he had placed himself under to get all his marking done. 

Shiro shuffled into the kitchen and made a jasmine tea and started to upload the video. Whilst he was waiting, he played a couple of his liked videos, mainly past eurovision entries. Especially Verka’s Dancing Lasha Tumbai. Shiro was not ashamed to admit that he danced in the kitchen to it as he a small stir fry, he felt carefree and just because he grew older didn't mean he had to grow up and leave his inner child completely. After the surgery that took his arm, he moved from active participation in space exploration to become a doctor in his field. He liked teaching and was good at it too. His classes had high pass rates, not because the exams were easy but he was willing to help and explain his subjects. 

He was looking forwards to his four month holiday, asking only his bank account if he could do things, he was indeed a happy twenty six year old. _Maybe I’ll go to the aquarium tomorrow,_ he mused as he let his playlist play though. _Maybe I’ll even treat myself to a meal out._

_You have 500+ new notifications_

**JeanPaul_90:** Je suis vraiment désolé, l'anglais peut être trop difficile à écrire. Mais, J’adore vos vidéos et J’taime les recommandations du livre! Bonsoir Shiro!!

**DudeWhoReads:** Cant wait for your reviews on Red Rising!!!! Break the chains!!

**ThatHowlerLife** Hail Reaper!!!

Lance was at his job in the aquarium. He was _totally_ not playing Pokemon Go and using the new camera feature to put Sharpedo in the shark tunnel, of course not. Who ever said he was, was a big fat _liar_ It was a wailord instead. They had blacktip reef sharks and a guitar shark and some nurse sharks. They didn't keep migratory sea life unless they were unable to be returned to the wild. It was cruel and unjust for them to see that same few walls when they should be exploring oceans. It was his break so sue him, if he wanted to play Pokemon Go, he would. He didn't get his degree in marine conservation for nothing. As much as he loved being in the water, either diving or swimming, he got terribly sea sick and was more than happy to work in the countries leading conservation aquarium/rehabilitation centre. He loved the sea enclosures as well as their conservation ones. He loved all of the frogs and turtles of different kinds. He couldn't see himself moving anywhere else permanently. It had been his home since he was a kid. 

Then he had an idea. 

“Allura!! Hun, sweet, love of my life and gift to the world!” He cried and he burst through the office doors. 

“What do you want Lance?” she teased, “You only say that when you want something!” 

“Well, you know I do a book tube thing right?”

“Yes?” Allura replied surreptitiously, slightly nervous about what he would ask. It could be something simple like what book would you recommend that is gay enough for pride month or, can you help me with the editing filming and all that because it needs to be bigger, better etc. 

“Can I record my next one in the tunnels? Very atmospheric for The Abyss Surrounds Us. Please? It would be after closing and after I’ve done all my work! Please! Please! Please! Please!!!” Lance turned on the puppy eyes for good measure and wobbled his lip, going for the full shebang of innocent puppy dog. 

“Yeah, why not? Just be mindful of everyone else and _no trip hazards._ ”

“Thank you Lura!!” Lance was bouncing on his heels as he went back to check on some of the turtles that had been brought in earlier that week. 

He recorded his work with the baby leatherbacks as they raced towards the lettuce and bits of jellyfish they had got from a recent bloom that had got caught in fishing nets. He ran a little insta full of his conservation work with details about what they were doing. He rarely handled the marine life, trying to give them as natural a life as possible. To say he lead a busy life was an understatement. At least he would have a good place for tomorrow’s recording. 

Soon enough, he was setting up in the shark tunnel, the cleaners had already come through and he had changed his shirt from his official polo shirt to a cotton tee. 

“Hello fellow people of Earth and any person from a different planet who may be listening in! Today I am in the Shark tunnels to finally to do my review of The Abyss Surrounds Us! After the reshelving incident, and subsequent attempts, I have escaped from my room to here!”

A soft thud could be heard as one of their nurse sharks lay down on the top of the tunnel. It was Armani judging by the notch in her tail fin.

“Ignore Armani, she is just being a lazy shark as you do. Which is an excellent way to introduce The Abyss Surrounds Us. In the future, genetically enhanced monsters called Reckoners protect precious cargo and people from Pirates and other problems. This follows a POC Lead - Cassandra Leung - who is captured along with a baby reckoner by the most flamboyant pirate I have ever seen. I stan one pirate queen honestly!

“So cue the ‘fight for my life or I die’ trope but with Lesbians. The ship itself is cute and I can get behind it. The world building is amazing and it's a shame it doesn't have the popularity. The only downside I found was that it wasn't long enough! It's a high stakes book I devoured, with a realistic feel to it. It doesn't have token characters and they are all fleshed out and I want a book about my Pirate Queen!!!” He said with a flourish and he dropped his book on the clear floor. 

He thought that putting a eurovision song in would be good. That one from Georgia with the badass women would be good. He would definitely have to edit in some of his rather dramatic reenactments of the characters. 

He used his phone to have different angles as he acted out the characters. Cass and Swift were a bit difficult but Lance loved doing Santa Elena, mostly with her opening quotes. 

“What do you mean ‘what's the deal with my hair’?” He acted out being all offended, and cool as anything he slipped into Cass’ persona.

“Did you get bored one day and hack half of it off? You look like you've had a close call with a weed whacker,” he replied snarkily.

“I didn't just get kidnapped by pirates, they were the dramatic kind.”

He loved acting it all out and he was having so much fun. He also started to introduce some of the sharks and major fish that swam by. The editing would be hell but it would be worth it. 

He packed up his stuff soon enough as saw that Allura had been there watching him.

“How long have you been there?” He asked, dreading the answer. 

“From when you started becoming what I assume to be characters, looked like you were having fun,”

“It was? It's a story you might like anyway. It’s lesbian pirates so you're already halfway there,”

“Yeah, just gotta find a girl who also shares my plans of dominating the oceans and saving the world by destroying capitalism. So yeah, halfway there to being a pirate and a lesbean in need of a sweet gf.”

They couldn't help but laugh and they headed out of the building, locking up as they went. 

“Bubble tea?”

“Yes.” Lance needed it, it had been a long day and yeah, he deserved a ‘treat yo self’ right now. 

To say Lance was Extra was an understatement, he described himself as petty, sarcastic and hella overdramatic but his friends would add that he had a heart of gold that was so full of love and kindness. He had friends who loved him, family that supported him and the love and respect of his co-workers. It didn't stop the loneliness. He was asexual true but he was always a romantic at heart, working out he was biromantic was fun. He liked people no matter the gender but what the fuck was sexual attraction. He just didn't understand it, it was a thing he couldn't get in fiction either.

He wanted the love and that, but a lot of his relationships had failed and each time left him feeling more alone and broken than before. He had woken up in a funk and everyone be damned if he wanted a very large fruit green tea with fruit boba to fill the depressive void in his mind.

“You listening Lance?” Allura asked as he sipped his tea absentmindedly. 

“Yeah, no. Maybe?”

“Just saying, you thinking of going further than this? You do so much you're better than this place!”

“I don't want to. I have all I want here. I have you, Hunk and Pidge. I'm in a job I love, what more could I need?”

Allura just gave him a pointed look and saw through his bullshit. Lance had turned down past promotions that allowed him to travel and see the world. He had wanted to but something inside him had turned sour, the little bit that questioned everything. That had only just told everyone he was back in therapy after his meds became useless after his latest break up. The worst one by fair. His ex boyfriend had cruelly dumped him after shaming him for refusing to do anything sexual. That night he had taken his flags down and squashed anything down, throwing himself into his work and his reviews. 

“You know what I mean. Maybe a change would be good?”

“I want to, I just. I don't want to be hurt again. I can't. I’m facing up more shit and I- I want to be ok again.”

“Maybe not now but later. We are here for you hun.”

Lance nodded and smiled weakly, he mouthed his thanks.

“Sleepover so we can talk while you edit and then chat shit about straight white movies?”

“When do we not?” He replied and his smile became more real, he felt the loneliness be shoved out by the love from his best friend. For a little while longer, he was able to keep the demons away and there was nothing better than throwing popcorn at the TV screen whilst insulting the movie. Lance didn't even feel the usual worry that came with every upload about his image or notifications. For a while at least, Lance was in some sort of peace. 

Shiro knew that shark. He knew that aquarium. He knew that worker that he saw from a distance and would have loved to have spoken to if he had the courage. It was his favourite booktuber. The lack of glasses and curly hair that had been neatened through him. How did he miss the eyes. He had to message Lance. He had to. 

It was just his luck that Keith had decided to walk in on his gay panic and angst.

“What, Lance finally upload another review?” he joked and then realised. “Oh shit this is a full gay panic. Shiro what did he do know. Bat his eyes? Show and I quote ‘Dat Cute Butt’? He spoke, woow, like he does every video ON REPEAT.” 

Keith waved his hand in front of Shiro’s face and he was completely out of it. Knowing that Lance was in the same city was weird. He wanted to reach out. So he let his primal lizard brain take over as he rapidly typed a message, ignoring the confusion of his best mate as he sent the message before Rational Shiro Brain could regain functions again. 

**To: IGotBigBooks , From: not_A_nerd_THE_nerd**

**Hi!**

**Its Shiro from booktube? I kinda just realised we are in the same city, like would you be interested in doing a collab at all? Like not to be a pest or anything I was just wondering.**

**Kind regards,**

**Shiro**

Way to go, Shiro thought. He would love to do a collab but he may have just freaked his crush. Want like he was well out of his reach anyway. Especially since that crush had gotten an entire world closer. 

Keith brought in a bowl of snacks from the kitchen, not trusting him to cook in the slightest. They knew better than to attempt to cook anything that didn't involve boiling pasta or microwaving frozen veg. 

“So, what did you do? You look more in shock than you did when you actually got your first good comment,”

“I um. I messaged Lance. We live in the same city.” Keith's jaw fell, like it couldn't get any lower to the ground. “Remember that guy I was mooning from a distance over?” 

Keith nodding suspiciously, thinking that he knew where this was going.

“That's Lance. I saw the shark with the notches in the tail like exact same story as the one down the aquarium in the bay. I asked him to collab.”

“Finally! It's about time Shiro!” Keith exclaimed, patting him on the back. Keith wouldn't either A, not have to deal with his useless pining or B, deal with more intense pining because Keith would have to see it with his own two eyes. 

Shiro definitely didn't admire Lance or admit he was the reason he even started to do book reviews. Shiro had quite a gathering too, he assumed it was because people found him appealing for whatever reason. He doubted anyone actually listened to him, they just saw him as eye candy and his update schedule had a lot to be desired. 

His laptop beeped at him and he ran into his room, intent on Keith not being able to tease him more than he already could.

_Hi Shiro! I’m good to call you Shiro right? I never knew! Um if you want? Not sure why you would want to, I’m nothing big or special. I may not be as active as I once was so if you wanna talk, mind if we do it in a public place?_

_Lance_

His heart was doing somersaults in his chest, Lance had replied and said yes? He couldn't believe it, it was something to look forward to as well. He couldn't write his reply soon enough. 

_Hi,_

_That's fine, public areas are always good! How does sunday sound, somewhere in town. You know, neutral areas and prove I’m not a creep? I would love to do something with you, your reviews and videos always make me smile and I may have a few ideas?_

_And Shiro is fine!_

He sighed and flumped on his bed, the springs creaked under his weight. He had asked Lance to meet. And it was only the day after tomorrow, he wanted to do this so badly, even if it was to kill whatever little bit of hope had existed in his heart. He still had to do his Red Rising ones, he definitely hadn’t been planning this for too long and had his red rising merch everywhere to start filming. He’d managed to convince Keith to help him with it as well because well, it was an emotionally devastating series. 

“Wanna start filming?” He asked Keith, who had just got comfy in front of the laptop screen. 

“Let me watch at least one episode of Good Omens.”

“Good Omens? I thought that was next week!”

“Toady you big lug!”

“Forget filming binge watching, and yes I know Cfowley and Aziraphale are ineffable husbands don’t remind me. All I’m saying is it had better be Gay as Hell!” It didn’t stop the spluttering laughter from Keith or a cushion aimed at his head. 

_Transcript of not_A_nerd_THE_nerd’s Red Rising, Red Rising Series Review._

Lux Aeterna plays as the colours and sigils from Red Rising appear with the jobs relating to them in The Society. Shiro appears soon after his opening titles. 

Shiro: ‘Lo Howlers! And Omnis Vir Lupus, hail Reaper and you know, congrats for surviving the Iron Rain. If any of you have no idea what I’m talking about then you have probably been living under a rock in the world of Sci-Fi since 2014. 

Shiro: Pierce Brown’s Red Rising came out in 2014, and is in my opinion one of the greats. It has some romance, a lot of political intrigue and some of the best writing I have seen in the sci-fi community I have encountered in too long. The world building is on point and leaves enough to the imagination without being too cumbersome. The characters are well developed, and all are flawed. It is also one of my fave series if you can’t tell by the amount of merch I have!”

_Shiro laughs and the camera pans over to the flags, mugs and books. The cosplay on a mannequin and various other bits of paraphernalia. The camera then turns to a rather disgruntled man with dark hair, and scowl otherwise known as Keith._

Keith: It takes up room and is annoying. Its spilling out of his room and the worst part is the tattoo and the fact he got me to read it and destroyed my emotions. Thanks Shiro(!)

_Camera turns back to Shiro and a slightly guilty yet sorry not sorry look is on his smug mug._

Shiro: Yes well. You got everyone else in because you know, sharing is caring! So Red Rising starts with showing us Darrow, a Red, mining for Helium - 3 to support terraforming Mars, to help the cause of humanity. We do not know how far into Earth’s future this is but only that the castes exist and Gold’s are revered as gods. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy if that was the whole point. Well stuff goes down because Spoilers and Plot, Darrow realised that everything is not as it seems and gets caught up in a rebellion. He becomes something he is not, to become the beacon for change. Remember this is the start of a series so it will be a bit of a long start. He is sent to the Institute to gain his place among The Peerless Scarred, an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard of one - the scared are their own peers. Stupid rich people right? So anyway, shit goes down, more shit goes down and then shit hits the fan in all the best and most satisfying ways! 

Shiro: We meet a wide range of characters. Some we love to hate, for me its Roque Au Fabii and others are such little shits we love them and nothing they can do is wrong. We all know which little shit I mean. Others could punch us in the face and we’d be thanking her on bended knee because she is a QUEEEEEN!

_image of Gal Gadot’s wonder woman appears at the bottom right with a subtitle of ‘if wonder woman was a sci-fi character. <3’ _

Shiro: It’s got a lot of interesting ideas about what our far flung future has in store for us, with a captivating writing style and plots that don’t let us tear our eyes away. It’s easy to fall for characters and hate others whilst reminding that none of them are purely good or bad. They’re problematic people in the way all people are. They have their good points and bad, and though there is no main villain but a varied amount of antagonists and themes in the book. 

Shiro: It also has relevance today with all that is going on too, with the Colour Caste system, the government and oppressions and making everyone equal. It is an exciting read and I would recommend it to anyone who loves Sci-Fi that matters as well as those who have a strong stomach and those who love a bloodthirsty author! 

_Camera returns to Keith because he really does have a point._

Keith: He killed a character by pulling the name out of his hat, THE ONLY PERSON WITH A PLOT BEYOND A FEW PAGES. THEY WERE MY FAVE PERSON HOW DARE.

Shiro: Keith had strong opinions in this. Its amusing. If you like having your heart torn to shreds multiple times and a lot of laughs and moments of how, what why, no then this series for you! Hail Reaper and see you next week for the next video on the second book, Golden son!

_end titles appear and fades out. End of transcription._


	2. My Twitchy Witchy Girl, I think You Are So Nice

Lance had totally not been low-key stalking Shiro’s youtube account since the day it came up in the autoplay queue. He had totally not let his jaw drop or have the notifications to anything the guy did. He really had not just hopelessly admired from afar because Shiro seemed to tick the boxes to being his type when it came to men. Tall, kind, smiley, would respect him and his decisions. There wasn’t any lust in it either, he just really wanted to know him and would be happy even if he got to stand in his presence. 

Shiro just had to send the message, hadn’t he? Lance became a blushing mess on his bed and hastily replied. That was two days ago and the new review had uploaded six hours ago. They lived in the same city. What was he supposed to do with that information, especially as Shiro wanted to meet him! Lance, who in his opinion, wasn’t as great or as good. He didn’t really have anything to offer. No followers or anything, he was another voice propelling themselves into the technological void youtube had created. 

In life, Lance wanted the small things, things most people laughed at him for. Mostly because he wanted the romantic elements, the little things life gave him. He saw the best in people when perhaps it became unwise. He wanted to see the good in life, Lance knew and had experienced some of the more negative elements but he wanted to see the good. 

He longed to be held and wanted, he wanted to see what made people light up on the inside and make they laugh with joy. He wanted to proclaim that he was happy with the things that made him smile, like a particularly friendly bee. Lance had also wanted to have his little romantic crush in silence, nothing coming of it. Nothing to get his hopes up about. Just a little thing to come and go, so that he could laugh about his foolishness in the years to come. 

But no, Shiro _had_ messaged him, had asked him and Lance had replied, asking to meet. Today. In half an hour. Here he was, cradling a stone cup of jasmine tea, constantly looking up from his phone to the door. The small cafe had old school desks as their furniture and well, it was great for pastries but when he got antsy, the worst thing to sit on when he couldn’t control the little stims that manifested in his anxiousness. 

The bell rang as the door opened and a guy with, of all things, a very messy modern mullet came through the door. So not Shiro. He sagged slightly in his seat and looked back at his phone screen, blank of any notifications. Mullet guy had sat within eyeshot of him and was starting him down. He was getting more anxious under the glare and was on the brink of walking away when his phone buzzed, a message from Shiro.

_Im on my way, traffic held me up_

To the point and void of any emotion. It was not a message of confidence. Lance had no idea how Shiro was outside of his on screen persona. He could be a dickhead and Lance would never have known, wouldn’t have wanted to know. 

The bell rang again and a tall guy with a white floofy forelock walked in, looking for someone. Looking for Lance. The scar he saw a second later would have alerted him that it was indeed Shiro. He gave a small wave and tried to hide evidence of the pistachio and strawberry eclair he had not quite so delicately ate half an hour earlier. Shiro pulled up the stool had Lance noted Shiro did fit underneath the table as well as Lance did. His primal brain went into meme mode and told Lance Shiro was thicc. He couldn’t stifle the snigger that came either. 

“Hey,” Shiro said kindly, something Lance wasn’t expecting. 

“So,” Lance started and then realised he had no idea what to say. Can I just ask you to date me and let me do all the romantic things I can think of with you was way out of the question. You wanted to talk about something was to abrasive. “Red Rising huh? Many people are gonna hate you for hating on Roque.”

Shiro burst into a peal of laughter, “You watched it then?”

“Well I had to know what my competitor and maybe co-host has to say for himself.” Lie. “And well. Roque is not a fucking dick. He is THE fucking Dick,”

“I knew this would be a good idea. You don’t by some chance work at the aquarium and rehab centre?” Shit he had been caught out, Shiro could have seen him at work in the polo shirt, that while comfy, was the most god awful shade of fluorescent pink, courtesy of Allura. It wasn’t the shade he was complaining about but the brightness. 

“Yes.” Lance hung his head in shame. It was over. He waited for Shiro to get up and go, save him from his hope and inevitable misery. “The way you interact with everyone is very endearing, and well. It’s refreshing.”

Nothing he hadn’t heard before, his ex’s had started off that way but when Lance refused to go beyond his boundaries they turned those words against him and stabbed him in the heart with those words. He had learned to school his face and emotions long ago. 

“Your videos and reviews are entertaining too, they’re fun and well, I’d like to do something with you. I’m not exactly the most experienced or well reading choices may clash but I thought it would be fun. I also wanted to get to know you. I don’t have many booktuber friends, or at least friends in this city,”

“Well you have me now. Officially friends. My Lance Serrano, booktuber extraordinaire and absolute nerd.” Lance held his hand and shiro took it. 

“Takashi Shirogane, Lecturer by day, nerd by night and the occasional weekend.”

They talked for what seemed to be only an hour when four had gone by. They had drafted up ideas and gotten to know each other, and though Lance had gotten over his nerves, he hadn’t planned on his smitten crush turning into something more. Not that he’d ever let it show. 

“How about a Good Omen’s thing? A comparison of the show to the radio one to the book?”

“How about Neil Gaiman in general? I mean Coraline, whilst mildly terrifying is brilliant and Lakia is one of my favourite studios. Then there’s American Gods and Neverwhere. Make it a mini series or something. Like what you think?”

“I like it, though I think we better get going, they look like they need to close soon.” Shiro was right, the staff members were cleaning up the surfaces and the only person left was the mullet guy who was starting to resemble Keith, the guy who sometimes appeared in the videos. Shit, he really should have brought someone with him. Well Shiro didn’t seem to be a creeper, Lance reasoned with himself. 

“Wanna head to Maccy D’s? Emo McMullet over there can join us too if he wants,” Lance asked, he could feel his stomach rumbling and he would take whatever time he could get with Shiro and maybe Keith wouldn’t be as bad as he looked. Maybe in a different universe they would have been adversaries but they weren’t. Despite the mullet he genuinely look like he could be fun to be around. 

They got round there with minor issues, there was the odd bit of teasing on all sides and it was fun, he really should have to introduce them to his own friends they’d fit right in. Shiro had said they had a few friends in the city but not many. 

“Even if, Keith, my man, my guy, buddy, you have the hairstyle that was bad when it was fashionable, you are fun to be around. So how did you two meet?”

Shiro and Keith shared a rather embarrassed look. 

“Our parents were friends and Keith moved away. I remembered him but he didn’t remember me. Keith being an absolute Keith, had trouble adjusting shall we say, stole my car by hot wiring it and going back to his house. His mum chewed him out of course.”

“What he refuses to say was the pestering and trying to reconnect except all that did was make it worse! I can barely shake him off most days! However it’s fun when we decided on multiple choice answers. How mean can we be etc,” Keith added, laughing at a memory.

“Remember when we made it every answer B except the first and last question?”

“I never saw so much panic in one room!” They both fell into fits of hysterics, and Lance just stared at them incredulously. He had found out that Shiro was a little shit with the same humour he had, he was kind and hard working and had a big heart and even when he was ugly crying from laughing he was adorable.

“You two are evil! Speaking of evil incarnate, you’d get on with my friends. One because she’s evil, one gossips to hell and back and the other will kill you with kindness. You’d get on with them!” Lance smiled, and once they’d calmed down from another laughing fit, they agreed. 

They even started to have a small food fight out of sight from the very underpaid workers. They had fun and Lance found that he had found more people he had clicked with, at least platonically. He could see them being friends and close ones at that. But he knew for Shiro at least, his traitorous heart yearned for more. To be someones. 

Keith left slightly early to get the car round, offering Lance a ride, leaving Lance alone with Shiro. The silence was comfortable and neither had felt the need to say anything. 

“You wanna meet up at mine?” Lance asked, “Just so we can start on stuff and agree on it and plan. Just a thought..”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea how does Friday sound?”

“Good, great, actually it’s just me and my baby,”

“Baby?”

“Not human ones but pets.”

“Pets? Your videos never said anything about them. What kind?”

“Just my girl Marnie. You know from When Marnie Was Here? Small lil kitty, she was the runt of the litter who had been abandoned. Raised her myself. She’s smol but good. Tad timid, and I mean tiny too.”

“I have Zee, one massive maine coon but the sweetest thing. I’m glad I’m not the only nerd for specific badass women. Zatanna is just as magical as her namesake honestly. And lazy. And complains about the smallest things. Basically she’s one whole bean.”

They didn’t spend the remainder of their time showing off their cats and cooing. An egregious amount of cooing. Keith had to physically drag Shiro away, but not before they all exchanged numbers. If Lance looked into Shiro’s eyes a moment too long, Shiro didn’t say a thing. Just a small shy smile and a wave. And if Lance was a blushing mess, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. They were friends, and that was enough for him it had to be. He couldn’t let a crush get in the way of everything. 

“But Keiiittthhhh,” Shiro complained. 

“But nooooo,” Keith retorted throwing the washing at Shiro a bit harder than was necessary. “You can’t scare the poor guy! Like fair his cat is adorable but that’s not a reason to start dating. You’ve just met!”

“But he was nice. He didn’t say anything bad about my arm. He didn’t start anything, it was easy to be me. Anyway how long was it before you started to declare your love to your last ex?”

“.... I hate you ….” 

“Nah you don’t now help me with this washing!” 

Shiro went to his room after the washing was hung out. 

“He was so pretty Zee, and his cat, well kitten really, you’d love her. He’s kind and amazing and well. I’ve liked him from afar for so long. I want something but I’m not gonna push. If something happens, well, good! If not then being friends is enough. 

“Zeee, noooo, Ze Stap Zee, sweet hun babe. NO PUT THAT DOWN NOW” Zee took one look at Shiro and knocked off the empty mug onto the carpet and made her self comfy on his bedside cabinet and partially on his face. Welp, this was his life now, he guessed. Pining and cat butts in his face. He totally saw Keith enter with his phone and definitely didn’t give him the middle finger. Nor did he pretend he could do anything about it with a cat on his face or have the heart to move said cat. This was his life and he could still breathe through one nostril. He would survive as long as Zee didn’t fart on his face. 

**I_Stan_One_Man** YASSSS FEELLOW HOWLER!!!!

**KittyCat8908** Is Shiro single? Bc I’m calling boyfriend material and dibs.

**UnsuspectingSPamB0t** Great review and a good series!!! Where did you get the merch?  
 **not_A_nerd_THE_nerd** replied: some were from independent people im friendly with in the dedicated FB group, others were crates and some were tour exclusives!!

**SandraSmith7898776** Look aT GiRls here lbty.girls.co 

He scrolled through the comments and he was disheartened in a way. Maybe doing a thing with Lance would be good, give him something a bit more fulfilling in his time. He had too many thirst comments and spam and he hated it. He broke off a few squares of his chocolate bar and sulked for a while. He deserved it, he reasoned. Zatanna was off causing havoc with the sheets somewhere despite having only just washed them. One of the few downsides to his blue-eyed black maine coon was the hair he would find. The game of ‘is this Keith’s hair or Zee’s’ was a game he hated to play. He looked back at his phone and sent a message to Lance, and prayed to any deity that might take pity on him that Lance didn’t see it in the pervy creepy stalker way but oh a possible friend wants to hang way.

_Sure! The cafe good? I got a day off after the last week!_

Shiro smiled and sent a quick reply. He put on his coat and walked the distance to the cafe that they had used last time. He noticed that they had more variety in the baked goods this morning and had decided that the pistachio and earl grey macarons were the best option. Shiro, on a very petty level, was glad to see that they were actual macarons not macaroons, one was an actual patiserie piece the other was coconut and people really had to learn the difference. 

When Lance entered through the door ten minutes later, cheeks flushed from the breeze and heat of the summer day and what seemed to be the most glitter filled highlighter he had ever seen adorning his skin. Shiro was gay and so gone for Lance. It didn’t help when Lance sat next to him instead of opposite and smiled at Shiro. A smile so good that he was sure that the heat from the sun wasn’t the heat he was experiencing. 

“So, Mr-I-Am-Not-A-Total-Fan-Boy, you’re wearing a Howler tee. That invested then?”

Shiro gave a short laugh, he hadn’t realised what he had thrown on, he hadn’t even bothered to put on his prosthetic and he didn’t want to worry about rolling his sleeves up either. “Apparently yes, yes I am. Don’t tell Keith but I got a unicorn mug specially made for him, you know, a Sevro one.”

Lance stared and everything about him demanded Shiro’s attention. He was ethereal and beautiful and by Hell, Shiro wanted to be the one to date him, to be his. And everytime Lance spoke it only made him fall for Lance a bit more. 

“He’d like that I think. So you wanted to meet up?”

“Honestly? I was bored and well I thought it would be nice to get to know you more. Such as, hi I’m Shiro. My favourite things are annoying my best friend and having my cat use my face as a pillow. How are you?”

Lance’s peals of laughter were heaven sent to him. He smiled softly, hoping he didn’t look like a lovesick idiot to somebody who might only be a fleeting crush. Shiro didn’t know if he wanted it to be fleeting or what it would mean if it turned out to be the real thing. The thing everyone chased and hoped for. 

“I’m fine Shiro, such a gentleman aren’t you? I’m Lance also known as ‘oi you’ by my siblings or ‘best uncle in the world’ by my siblings kids. I spend most of my day around fish and honestly can’t stand the smell of a chippy anymore,” Another smile to the waitress who had brought over a strawberry ice tea, and a loud slurp from Lance.

_I wonder how soft his hair is?_ Shiro thought as they talked and he couldn’t help but notice more things that made Lance, Lance. His enthusiasm for anything and everything, the way he spoke with his gestures and well as his voice. How Lance made time seem like nothing and the rest of the world disappear. 

“-So, as we are geetting the little fuck into the box. Its a fucking jellyfish. Not even a dangerous one. Just a lil lonely moon jellyfish like? How? Its got no brain it’s literally floating. So there’s four of us trying to get this fucker into a damn box. Then guess what happens? A seal comes and eats the damn thing and then gives us puppy dog eyes because it knows us from when we rescued it as a pup I mean. WHY US.” Lance ranted, his gestures getting larger as he got more into the story. 

“Hmm. Sure Jan,”

“Shiro,” Lance stared, bewildered, “Did you just _meme_ on me?”

“And if I did?”

“Well I might have to declare us friends.”

“Ok, sounds fake but, ok.” They both dissolved into giggles and where Lance steadied himself on Shiro’s shoulder, it felt warm and good. A squall was forming in his chest as Lance was being himself and just being cute in general. He didn’t want it to stop. 

Lance looked at Shiro and he felt the familiar pull of heartstrings and the message from his brain saying it was a bad idea. Shiro wouldn’t feel that way and he was better off as friends. Lance needed more friends. For someone who was as outgoing and friendly as Lance, he was incredibly lonely and the only friends he had were close. He preferred to have a few good friends rather than many fake friends but, having another one or two wouldn’t hurt. 

It was Shiro’s smile, the gentleness and the enthusiasm, like Shiro was hooked onto whatever Lance wanted to say. How kind and ernest Shiro was in whatever he did. He was everything Lance had wanted in his previous relationships, things his exes gave but only conditionally. Lance knew he shouldn’t read into anything and decided he wouldn’t. Not unless there was an explicit utterance from Shiro himself. 

“I think we really might have something with the Gaiman thing,” Lance said as he scrolled through his phone, “Like especially with Coraline, Good Omens and American Gods. Or even a Laika thing? Or both if you’d want?”

“Well I totally didn’t watch Good Omens immediately nor do I call them the ineffable husbands, I like it. Let’s do it. We could alternate between mine and yours?”

“Totally! Like even get Keith involved at points because why not. Think he could get away with being either satan or the antichrist? Although Marnie may need to get used to you first, she’s nervous around others. Ooooo what about actually making it a series too? Like they do on other channels. Hmmm, I wanna make lemon drizzle now. Do you like lemon drizzle?”

Shit he was rambling again. He could be all over the place, he’d rather be himself than be someone he was not. He’d worn too many faces in the past and was in recovery, with minimal relapses. He wanted to keep getting better not go back and shit he was tunnel visioning again. What was Shiro was saying? Fuck. 

“ - Lemon drizzle is nice,” and that smile and yeah. Shiro really was his type. 

The next time they met up was in Lance’s apartment. It was small and enough for him and Marnie, he had what he needed, close to work and just the right amount of _stuff,_ easy to organise and the level of lived in and cosiness that befit his home. Marnie was asleep on the bed when the bell went signalling Shiro’s arrival. 

Lance opened the door and well, he may have stopped dead because he had expected trackies and a tee not jeans and an actual shirt. Lance was in shorts and some old tank top adorned with “The Bible Said Adam and Eve, So I Did Both.” He knew they would be filming but only from the waist up no need to get dressed up right? 

Well shit.

“Hey Lance! Got all my Coraline stuff if we wanna start though, I’m gonna want a mug of tea. The biggest mug possible really,”

“Fight me, that mug is mine.” Shiro looked towards him and ran for the cupboards opening them at random hoping it would contain the elusive mug of mugs. He found it soon enough and thrust it in the air victorious, Lance couldn’t hide the soft smile at the antics. 

“Just make me one too, I’m gonna set up.” He did have all the intentions of setting up his equipment but got distracted by Marnie on her cushion. 

“Who’s a good baby? Who’s the best? Whose the cutest thing on this planet?” he cooed at Marnie who started to knead his jeans and if Lance could make heart eyes he was making them at his adorable bundle of fluff. “Who’s my best girl?”

“I have been upstaged then?” Shiro asked and handed a mug to Lance. 

“Marnie is a statistical outlier and should not be counted. Should we start this?”

“Yeah, know what we are gonna say?”

“Kinda but I’m in all honestly gonna wing it.”

Shiro gave a gentle laugh and got comfy on the floor as Lance set up his camera and sound system, and gave the smallest “oh” when Marnie decided he was cosy enough to lean against. Lance may have forgotten to say she was still a kitten, it was adorable. 

Did Shiro catch him staring? He hoped not.

Did his fingers brush Lance’s or was he reading too much into this?

“Hello fellow Huma-”

“Meew” Marnie wasn’t attention it seemed and scooped her up into his arms, scritching her toe beans, 

“As I was saying before I got interrupted by this ball of fluff, Hello!! Welcome to this little cross over mini series! Shiro, as you may know him as ‘Not A Nerd The Nerd’ Together we will be comparing the Neil Gaiman books to their counterparts. Today its Coraline, however we will be coving Lucifer because Tom Ellis honestly, American Gods and the joy that is Good Omens!”

Shiro’s giggling started as Marnie decided to climb over them and decided to curl in his jacket pocket, soft purring included. 

“Lance, she’s so adorable!” Shiro stage whispered. 

_Youre adorable._ Lance thought, because it was fucking true.

“So Today I’m graced by Lance’s presence, as we compare Coraline, the first of Gaiman’s work to get a film! We will not be counting Neverwhere in this as it was a tv show before it was re-written into the book.

“Coraline was made using stop motion animation and based on Gaiman’s book of the same name. And it holds up to the terror that grown adults have but kids adore,”

“Yeah, The Beldam is terrifying Shiro. SHE EATS SOULS,” Lance interjected, “Childrens souls. I was scared of doors for weeks after reading it,”

“So as I was saying, it has all the horrors and captivation the book had and given life. The use of colour and the medium really brings it to life -”

“- and your nightmares-” 

“It really does highlight the whole sew buttons in your eyes as grotesque as it should be.”

“Yeah, Laika, the orgeogon company who made it, knitted and sewn all the clothes and gave such diversity to the story originally centred around two characters - Coraline and the Other Mother. I personally loved the addition of Wybie - gave an explanation and link to the grandmother and the pink palace.”

“Also the interactions with Coraline were cute and honestly what Coraline needs minus the whole Beldam incident.” Added Shiro, who shifted slightly, careful to not disturb the kitten snoozing in his pocket. 

“I think anyone would need that after being subjected to The Beldam.” Lance replied and realized that they were shifting closer together. Lance, one knee up and resting an arm on it while the other gestured when he spoke. Shiro looked close to leaning on him and oh dear. Why was this a good idea?

“The film is loyal to the book in all the main points are there,” Shiro started, “The mice through the door, the Other mother and her surprises, the cat and the punishments. The ghost children in the film were toned down slightly which is probably a good thing. They missed out the other father in the basement and replaced it to the garden, which was a good move because that bit really was terrifying for me,

“Even Gaiman has said how weird Coraline is - it was originally written for his daughter but adults see the fear and terror while kids see an adventure where they win. Bring this to life probably heightened it because the way Laika animated everything and how their style changed for the beldam to be slightly more jerky in her movements was pure class.” 

“It has no romatic elements at all between main characters and Gaiman confirmed that Spink and Forcible are indeed partners, theyre not treated as the gay characters but there are hints in the text and in the film that back up Gaiman’s statements. It also shows can be interpreted. Oh shit, I sound like I’m writing and English essay!!” Shiro laughed gently and let his head fall on Shiro’s shoulder. oraline?

Did Shiro know what he did to Lance? Those tiny moments of intimacy that said he was worth something. That trust and love and oh. He hurt his heart, he didn't get that kind of love. He was strong in his sexualty and or romantic orientation but he was always expected to give everything he had until he was bled dry and only receive below the bare minimum in return. Lance felt Shiro’s nose nudge his shoulder and he was sure the camera would capture the resulting blush. Great. Just what he needed, the entire world to see his crush on display. A crush or just a chronic need for basic human interaction that he was becoming more and more starved for. 

“You cheat!! You're making me laugh! How am I meant to tell our utterly delightful viewers to go watch Coraline?”

Lance stopped the recording there as Shiro collapsed in a pile with the force of his own laughter. They could edit it later. He had also moved a disgruntled Marnie who stalked out the room, put out at having her cosy warm sport move. Lance caught a glimpse of the soft smile he wore in the camera feed and was glad Shiro was busy laughing to death instead of looking at Lance. 

“Want to try again?”

“Sure. We can edit later.”

**“Twitchy Witchy Girl” had been uploaded. It has 435,057 views, 22k likes 1k dislikes.**

**IStanOneBook** OMG This is a crossover I never thought I needed! You killed it!  
 **Suck_My_dIcK** SHIRO IS LITTERALLYT MY DADDY. SIT ON MY FACE AND SUFFOCATE ME  
 **Fuck_You_THATS WHY** I literally want Lance to smash my skull between his thighs goodnight.   
**Sun_Moon** Shance is??? SO??? S O F T?????????   
**MoonlightWalker** The way Lance looks at Shiro like that? I ship it <3  
 **BooksRUs** I love this! Ignore them lot - they dont know you guys  
 **ITSFUCKINGPIDGE** GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY JUST KISS ALREADY  
 **StanPike123** Great video guys! Cant wait for the next one!!! 

_Lancelotl_ I saw that comment Pidge  
 _Pidgey_ The whole world can see it! He is into you!!! I talk to Keith you know, our now mutual friend? Keith complains about how much he is mooning over you! I just want you to be happy….  
 _Hunkalot_ Shiro is a bad guy. He wouldnt do that to you! Did you see how soft he was around you? HE TURNED INTO A SMOL. *******A S M O L*******   
_Lancelotl_ Thats now yeah, but thats just me being friendly. He could do that to everyone! I’m not dragging him down when he realises he doesnt love me, or when I dont give him what everyone wants.  
 _Lancelotl_ when he realises he doesnt want ME  
 _Lancelotl_ I’m not gonna make him be in a relationship he hates out of some misguided sense of pity or duty.   
_Lancelotl_ I’m not gonna hurt myself again.  
 _Hunkalot_ Lance, buddy I wanna give you hugs so bad right now. As soon as I’m back I’m giving you all the love.  
 _Pidgey_ Lance, I love you, youre my bestie but you could try? Would it be that bad?   
_Lancelotl_ I dont think I could try. If he asks fair, if he’s honest when I say anything about all this then fair. I just can’t have people use my asexuality against me again.   
_Pidgey_ My magic pen, the biro to my arrow anyone disrespects for I will kill for you and all that shit. But you do deserve to be happy, I want to see you happy and if that means I have to go through a few people? So be it. Just claim all plausible deniability  
 _Hunkalot_ I was gonna say I’d fight them but Pidge covered it. We got your back, no matter what.  
 _Lancelotl_ Thanks guys, I love you  
 _Hunkalot_ Love you too Lance, you too Pidge, Cant wait to come back from Italy! I have so many recies to give you to try!  
 _Pidgey_ Lance you deserve all the love and only love. Love you too x


	3. My Sanctuary, You're Holy To Me

**Transcript from NotANerdTheNerd**

Shiro sits in front of the camera looking extremely uncomfy.

Shiro: So everyone, I want to point out that any racist, sexist or any of the dehumanising comments made on this channel or other videos I’m involved in will be deleted and you will be blocked. The people I work with are still humans and I am so discouraged that I have to do this. 

Shiro hangs his head and sighs.

Shiro: I do not like it when people sexulise me or the people I co-op with, the shipping as well. What happens in my personal life is mine. If I make mistakes I admit to them and try to be better. This doesn't mean you guys can drag through my history or my personal life. Also shipping me with friends is just wrong, we have our own lives and you're not entitled to every second of mine. I do this for fun, not because I have to, I don’t want to close this or stop it but if it keeps happening I will have to because I need to prioritise my IRL more because ultimately this? This is a hobby not meant to be the stressor its turning into. 

Shiro: I know there will always be that few people who will comment that and they will be banned and comments deleted, but please, don't ask about that or comment on it. Don't write it or anything like that, respect my boundaries. I don't owe you an entrance in my life and I get to choose what I share. 

**End of Transcript**

“I am saddened that this even has to be said. Respect us as people and our lives. Most of those comments were the resukt of someone writing a tumblr article saying this gay booktubers are life shit. Neither Shiro or I have ever explicitly stated out sexuality on this channel nor should we have to. This statement doesn't mean that I am LGBT+, just that it’s not my responsibility nor are you owed me to come out. The choice is only ever the person coming out. 

“These comments have made their way to both our channels and our friends and it is disgusting, these people know who they are. To those who have been here since the start and seen me through that gangly awkward phase of how do I youtube, thank you for your comments and messages of support, they've really kept me going. 

“I will be blocking people who make such comments. So please, no hate and respect us as people who have other lives other than what we put on here for you. Everyone wears a mask, even on here. I have a youtube mask so my IRL can be ok. Thank you for watching.”

 **300,002 Views, 123K Likes 2K dislikes. User has chosen to not allow comments on this Video**

Lance looked at the most recent video after that stupid tumblr post. He had managed, or well Pidge hacked with a personal vengeance, to get it down so it wouldn't spread. They were not entitled to his life! They were moderating comments now but Lance was disheartened. He liked most of his followers, they always had left nice comments and were supportive, a louder voice of reason against the odd comment here and there. He liked to interact with him and most had been there since the early days. 

He needed out of this. He wanted to get away and be wild and free and himself. The talk between Shiro and himself had been heavy and one of the most devastating phone calls he had ever had to make. He silenced his social media except his personal facebook that only his family and close friends saw. 

Fuck it, he decided. Fuck this shit. He opened up his messages and messaged Shiro to bring a bag of clothes and sleep stuff and passport. He had air miles and Allura after many mugs of hot chocolate had given him two week grace period, wasn’t like he had holiday piled up either way. 

He heard the vibrations of his phone and answered it.

“Lance? Why on Earth am I getting a request for me to pack a bag for a week in sunshine and my passport?”

“I’m going to Cuba, I’m getting away from all this bullfuckery and thought you might want to come with, I have air miles and I wanna use them. Let’s just get away from all this bullshit. No wifi and no internet bar skype. Just the beaches one hell of a virgin mojito and just get away from this. I’m kinda fucked about this and well. I’m going either way, and you can just chill too,” Lance ranted, frustrated at the situation and the amount of damage control he had to do. He wanted a hug from his Mama and Rachel’s mojitos in his hand and the Cuban sun setting against the ocean. He wanted to be home. 

“Give me an hour and I’ll be at yours, see you soon,” Shiro replied and hung up, speed packing no doubt. Lance did the same but he still had clothes at his parents house and he planned to spend most of his time in trunks in the surf. He also booked the last few tickets on the next flight in a few hours.

What seemed to be minutes later, Shiro was at his doorstep with a duffel bag on his shoulder and a backpack and without his prosthetic. They took a taxi to the airport and signed in with no problems. The waiting area was quiet. It was the end of the day and everyone was heading home rather than flying out. It was only a small plane but Lance didn't mind. 

The boarded and Lance once he was sat down slumped in exhaustion falling asleep almost immediately, the adrenaline drained away. He was glad he had Shiro next to him, they both suffered and as he drifted off, he could have sworn that a hand ruffled his hair and a fond smile that could have been described as loving was aimed his way. 

Shiro had no idea what possessed him to up and leave. Keith had been startled by his packing or well lack of and helped him get organised, assuring that it would do him good to be away from this mess. And the cocky shit he was saying that he could have Lance for himself for a week. 

He did not regret it in the slightest, seeing Lance leaning on him looking soft as he did and at peace especially after the fiasco that happened. He knew he wouldn’t have Lance all to himself but no interruptions from outside people would be nice. He’d have a holiday and he didn’t know how he could repay Lance for this. He watched the clouds pass him by as they flew over the ocean. He was relaxed by the steady sound of Lance’s breathing and though he knew he was getting those looks and judgement bc he wasn’t wearing a prosthetic, he didn’t feel judged. Maybe because he was around one of the few people he could be himself around. No comments just a question of how can I help? 

They started to land and Shiro turned to look at Lance, only to find that Lance was using his shoulder as a pillow. He tried to pry Lance off only to succeed in Lance clinging to his arm. Shiro felt the blush and the smile, he couldn’t do anything either because his only arm was encased by Lance. Fortunately when the place started to land, Lance shifted to the other side and Shiro gently nudged him awake and took both their luggage as Lance stretched from his sleep. The cute little faces as he did them and the smile of contentment did not help Shiro’s heart.

Lance brushed his hand as they waited for people to move and it was as though Lane had went to hold his hand but stopped for some reason. The small contact seemed more intimate and meaningful that Lance cosying up on his arm. Sleeping on someone was the usual for a lot of people, especially from Shiro’s close knit family, it happened and was no big deal. Wanting to hold hands? That was a conscious decision to be near someone, the trust that they would not do anything untowards. That they didn’t want to leave you, that they wanted to know they were there.

It had been too long since Shiro had that in his life. He wanted it sure but nothing ever came close, not even when he had the chance to be married. It wasn’t the right person or whatever, maybe he was just waiting for Lance? Lance had never said anything about being out, only that he supported the community. It would be the worst to have fallen for a straight guy and know that you were in love one someone who could very well be his best friend. They had the same humour, Zee had loved Lance when he had come round to explain the Fuckening that had happened. He wanted and hoped that he could. 

Shiro had apparently been running on autopilot while he had is own internal freak out, Lance had grabbed his suitcase and the other bag and dragging him out grinning like a maniac. Back home everyone kept to themselves and barely acknowledged anyone. Just steps away from the airport was the signs of a life well lived. People chatted and talked as they did business and families ran around yelling and laughing. It was full of life and joy and the smells of the fruits and street food engulfed him. It was like he was back in his hometown in Japan. It may have been a small village but it was home. 

It felt like he had come home in a way. 

He allowed himself to be dragged by Lance as he hollered down a bus that was starting to pull away. 

“Deberías haber esperado, autobús estupido!!!!” Lance then swore and looked like he was seething with unbridled rage. Shiro gently patted his head trying to placate him, it was like Lance had become even more alive, like a mask had dropped. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Shiro saw people waving at them, one of them looked like Lance but with long hair and a chest.

“Lance?” he asked timidly, Lance was dedicated to his fuming.

“I’m having a moment here,” Lance lamented. 

“You might wanna look to your left…” Lance looked just as he was tackled by the look alike and was brought down, clearly not being the unmovable object to the unstoppable force that he guessed would have been Lance’s twin sister. 

“Mijo! And you must be Shiro! Lance said you were coming!” He didn’t expect the bone crushing hug the older woman embraced him in, and it felt good. No judgement and just like the ones his mother gave him. I really ought to go visit soon, he thought as he returned the hug after a second of confusion. 

“Mama! RACHEL GET OFF ME YOU LUMP! Hey! I thought - GET OFF - I was - RACHEL YOU FUDGE GET THE FUDGE YOU BENCH- meeting you at home? RACHEL YOU GET HERE RIGHT NOW!!”

“We decided it be nicer to meet you two boys here,” Lance’s mother smiled kindly as she watched her youngest two running and screaming like five year olds. “I’m Maria, sweetheart, I’m ok to call you Shiro? I’d rather ask.”

How was Lances this mother this kind? No he had met Maria, it wasn’t hard to see where he got his kindness and love from. 

“Shiro’s good, Takashi is my first name if you’d prefer. It be nice to hear my first name more often,”

“Taka-shi,” Maria tested out, “Everyone deserves to be called by their name, may take me a couple of times to get the exact pronunciations but I’ll get there.” Shiro embraced her with that, he wanted someone to call him by that for too long, and well, as awkward as one armed hugs can be, she just hugged him back. Even took the time to fix the sleeve that covered his stump after they hugged. 

“Ustedes dos, coche, ahora!” Maria spoke, her tone bring Lance and Rachel into line. She spoke rapid fire Spainish to the twin and picked up his own bag. Shiro went to get it from her but his hand got tapped away. 

“You’re out guest and guests don’t carry stuff. I got this. I grew up on farms and this is nothing. It’s that yellow one over there Takashi ok? If you wanna help out you can do it tomorrow, but not tonight. Tonight we get to treat you. Lance hasn’t brought any of his american friends round to see us,”

“I’m actually Japanese! I moved over when I was ten and well I really got good at the accent I have right now,”  
“Like my Lancey. We moved back after family bereavement but Lance stayed in America, someone has to look after our home.”

“I look forward to seeing it,”

“We may not have many bedrooms but its cosy and there’s a lot to do if you want to help, not that you have to, as I said you’re my guest,”

Shiro couldn’t express how much he wanted to see it, experience it. It was all he had wanted when he saw himself almost married, go experience the world but have a home to come back to. 

“My ex never wanted a home, I wanted to see the world and have a home to come back to, he just wanted something I couldn’t give him. I wanted someone to accept me and come with me and we could go home at the end and be happy. He wanted a safety net while I was always a risk taker, I used to have a deadline on my life and wanted to see as much as I could and well now that deadline no longer exists. A home sounds really good, thank you for letting me stay,”

“You really must mean something if we have met you, and if you ever need a home or aren’t accepted by anyone, you have a spot at our table. You’re a good man Takashi.” ShE patted his back and unlocked the car shooing Rachel to the back with Lance, because ‘fighting over shotgun while we have a guest’ was uncivalised. Shiro the soft smile on Lance’s face and put it down to going back home, ignoring the smile that came up on his face at seeing Lance happy and at ease. 

City life teetered out as the cruised the roads and into a more rural area, the sea became more of a focus and then a small dock came into view with a few boats and a house with a lighthouse on the tallest bit. 

“Welcome home Lance, and this is our house, Takashi,” a minute pause as he took in the wonder that was the Serrano home. 

“Mama was meant to be out on the boats today. She helps with ecologists in their dives and Papa runs the lighthouse. We’re pretty self sufficient here. Small patch of veg and crops and a market down the road. We’re good here. It’s nice. We inherited the lighthouse and we keep it going. Luis had dibsed the lighthouse and that’s fair like we all help but he loves it the most. You need to really love this place to properly run it. I’ve felt my heart was elsewhere, in America. 

“I took after my mother with the ecologists coming ashore with their specimens and learning about them. Rachel is the local vet for farms and pets. Veronica is back in the US in some bigwig university and Marco is well Marco. We have enough stories for you to understand what we mean.” Shiro was grateful for Lance’s explanation, he felt he was learning a lot more about Lance than he ever would have. 

Lance had ruined every chance anyone else had with him, for Shiro, Lance was all he wanted, and ultimately, the one that got away. Instead he nodded along and asked questions about Lance and his childhood here. Pointing out the bastard tree that gave him a cool scar that hurt but made him the first person in his class to get one. The little hiding holes only a child could find. 

“Mama? Where’s Shiro gonna sleep?” Lance hollered across the noise that was the Serrano home. 

“You room, Marco has taken over the guest one and Veronica’s is having the floorboards restored!”

“Can’t you tell Marco to mooooove?”

“Lance! Just show Shiro to your room now. You have enough space and you are old enough to sort out the sleeping arrangements!”

Lance groaned and ushered Shiro up the stairs. Along the walls were multitudes of photos, school picture days and family shots and Lance was the easiest to spot, a mischievous grin filled with life among easy smiles. He could feel the love from the family even when their family members were across an ocean to the west. 

Lance opened his door, marked with an amusing mermaid, and Shiro walked in. The walls had blue wallpaper than upon further inspection were tiny wives hand painted on the paper. Posters of sharks and ocean creatures were everywhere and three book cases of books. On the ceiling, above the double bed was two pride flace, the Bi flag and one he had seen on proud display that he knew before the rainbow flag.

He turned around to see Lance look small and frightened. 

“Lance? Are you ok?”

“I wasn’t planning on you seeing my room. It’s not like the one you’ve seen with Marnie in it. I’m not really out over there, not like I can hide it with the pride flags really. This isn’t how I wanted to come out. I didn’t want to at all. Allura knows as does Pidge and Hunk but only them three.”

“If youre worried I’m gonna judge you for the flags, I’m hella gay. Like I’ve seen circles straighter than I am kind of gay. Keith constantly reminds me that I’m farting rainbows on the daily I’m that gay.” Lance gave a weak laugh and Shiro thought that it was a step forward and continued. 

“I know the bi flag bit the other one? I’ve seen it and I know it.” Shiro said, hoping it was enough to make Lance feel comfortable and safe.

“Its the asexual flag. I’m ace.” Lance said it like it was a death sentence. His stance was all wrong and he looked so scared and just not Lance. His heart broke and he remembered what he had read on asexuality after his father had said that it was described him best after feeling broken for most of his life. How happier he had been when his family had accepted him and carried on as normal. How nice it was to take his father to his first pride and how he had been the first one Shiro came out to.

He took the two steps to Lance and hugged him as well as he could. He felt Lance shake in his arms and a small damp patch on his shoulder form. 

“I got you Lance, I got you. Youre fine and you’re safe. I’m not gonna do anything but support you. Youre valid and you’re still you. I’m sorry that you have to feel that way. My father is ace too, its a valid thing and that doesn’t detract your value as a person.”

Lance was openly sobbing into his shoulder now, the shakes that had overcome him meant Lance was slumping on to him, like he hadn’t had this reaction in too long. Way too long. The flag said his family had accepted him but few else and Shiro felt his heart break for him. He sat them down on the double bed and cradled Lance to his chest, his one hand stroking Lance’s back.

“Hey, you’re good and amazing and you’re allowed to be who you are with me, you’re allowed to be ace and be who you want to be. You don’t _ever_ have to hide from me,”

“Even if who I am isn’t the person who is as bubbly and flirty? Whos a bit of a mess who has insecurities for days?”

“Even if you’re twenty three lizards in a trenchcoat.” Shiro wiped a tear that was falling down Lance’s cheek as Lance moved away, looking to see any hint of a lie in Shiro’s eyes. 

“Shiro?”

“Mmm?”

“There’s only one bed.”

“I know.”

“What we gonna do?”

“Well, we can either go down that ‘one bed’ wonderful trope or we just accept our fate and get comfy already,” Shiro dragged Lance down with him as he got comfy on the duvet, more than determined to have a nap. He set a timer on his phone and enjoyed the sight that was Lance before he closed his eyes. He didn't know what his exact feelings towards Lance were. True he had a crush but it hadn’t faded, more, changed towards something more real. It was no longer a thing to have Lance, he wanted to romance the hell out of Lance and give him as much as he wanted. He wanted Lance to be his and for him to be Lances. He wanted to give Lance all the good in the world and then some. He wanted to be the reason for Lance’s smiles. So, he didn’t know what he felt but he knew, that Lance was becoming one of his best friends and all that came with it. 

Lance however was unaware of the thoughts running through Shiro’s mind. He was caught being the little spoon and his mind wouldn’t fall asleep no matter how much he wanted to nap. He had met so very few people who asexuality wasn’t a big thing at all. He felt everything intensify by just being accepted. The first time in a long time where coming out didn’t end in pain and tears. He felt like the embrace Shiro had him in was like he had more than friendship but, Lance knew deep down Shiro only thought of him platonically. Lance knew how much he had given up on it. He had Marnie and he was happy. He had what he needed, but he could never fill that void of wanting someone to be there for him in every way he needed, and knowing it could never be filled. 

Once Shiro had fallen asleep, Lance wiggled his way out of the limp arm that was slung over his waist. He prayed that the old creaks and grounds of the house didn’t wake Shiro up as he made his way to his Mama.

“Darling whats wrong?” His mother asked, mercifully in spainish, so even if Shiro did wake, he wouldn’t have understood a word. 

“I think I’m gonna get myself hurt again, it’s Shiro, he’s been to kind and he accepted me? I don’t know what I’m gonna do? I’m starting to like him too. Just earlier? He was hugging me! He doesn’t mind that I’m ace either like? I don’t want to go back to being hurt and alone. I’m just not good enough I’m -”

“- Lance! You are enough as you are, though it may not feel like it and especially after the comments that those people posted the comments, you are more than enough. You dealt with it maturely and you deserve to feel ok. And for Shiro? He doesn’t seem to be like the guy to hurt you. He cares for you, more than you realise I think,”

“Platonically Mama, platonically,”

“We’ll see who's right about that, a mother’s instinct is rarely wrong. You bring him home out of everyone ever? That already says a lot. I think he’s who you want and you’re who he wants, just give it some time and you never now. You may be surprised by him. Personally? I think he sees his world when he looks at you.” 

His Mama embraced him in a hug that only she could give and he felt all the tension fall out of him in a way only his Mama could do. The stress of everything that had happened in the last three weeks and the unexpected coming out. Lance decided if he could give as good hugs as his Mama did, he would be proud. They were safety and warmth and acceptance and an overall sense of belonging. There was nothing like them, except maybe in Shiro’s embrace. The whole expectation that they were still friends nothing had changed except a heightened sense of trust. 

“Now go help clear the table food’s almost done!” she laughed as the smell of almost burning filled the room. 

Lance was laying the best and only china at the massive table when Shiro made his way down.

“How long was I out?” he mumbled, still drowsy and a bit confused.

“One million years. This is just a hologram to make sure you adjust,” Lance joked while Shiro blearilly nodded and sat on the nearest chair, and soon was joined by Rachel and the others. Lance took the closest chair to Shiro and gave him a lazy smile and the one that was returned made Lance’s heart ache, after all, it felt like there really was no one else for him but Shiro. Shiro had accepted him as he was and well, Lance found it hard to love and be loved in return. If his mother was serious, Shiro had ruined everyone else because they would always be compared to Shiro. 

Dinner was a Commotion and an _Event,_ everyone was talking, and it was like Lance had never left. Rachel was trying to teach Shiro spainish but using the wrong words to their translations, he would have to correct that later, and his family was there. He wondered how it had taken him so long to even remember the beach.

“Hey Shiro!” Shiro looked up with a face full of rice and Lance couldn’t help a small giggle, “Wanna go to the beach after? Not to swim it will be too dangerous, just hang. Chill. Relax!”

Shiro nodded enthusiastically as he went back to answering his fathers questions. All Lance could do was watch helplessly, seeing how Shiro slotted into his life and how much Lance trusted him to be there. 

“So, lover boy has found someone then?”

“Rachel like you can talk. You’re as much as a bi disaster as I am,”

“Yes, but I wear it better. Not like I could find anyone like him though. You gotta remember I still sit at the kids table when family comes around. I’m twenty four for christs sake!” 

“Yeah, you may be twenty four but you have the mental age younger than Silvio!”

Rachel flicked a little food that Lance caught in his mouth. 

“You gotta do better than that Hermana! Lancey Lance is back!”

“Yeah yeah! I’m always watching. Always. Watching.”

“Shut up.”

“No! You! But it is nice seeing you this relaxed around someone. I’ve watched your videos and even though I am three minutes older, I still gotta look out for my lil bro and I call dibs on the shovel talk!”

“Rachel!!” 

“I wanted dibs!!”

“That was _My Job!_ ” A chorus of yells from his siblings came and Lance couldn't help but laugh at their antics and Shiro’s blush was definitely not adorable. At all. Lance didn't know what his heart was talking about.

She just giggled and went back to shoveling food into her face. He just hoped no one noticed how his eyes kept darting to his side to Shiro, or just how his heart was pulled between opening up again or sealing itself away for even longer. 

“You were gonna show me the beach?” Shiro asked softly, grinning at him and making Lance’s heart do cartwheels. Lance swallowed hastily and nodded. When their flip flops were adorned, they walked over the few dunes to the beach. There was no one around, though he didn't doubt Rachel and his Mama’s resources and tenacity to know exaclty what was going on. 

“About earlier, I’m sorry if I was too forwards, especially about the bed. I can sleep on the floor or couch if you prefer, I don’t want to push.”

“It wasn’t you. I’m good with sharing beds, you’ve seen my family, just. I needed my Mama for a bit. You know everything that’s happened, I was in deed of her hugs. My bed is big enough for two anyway. Not like we aren’t friends.” Friends. That’s all they were and Lance didn’t know whether it was worth them being more, Lance’s dating history spoke for itself and he didn’t want to make Shiro suffer thee maelstrom that was Lance Serrano. 

“Yeah. The skype call was simultaneously the most hilarious but most cringy experience I’ve ever had. One seventy year old reading those thirst tweets will my brother losing it in the background in a backdrop of rural japanese housing? Just so BAD. She was judging and scoring them!!! 

‘Shiro! What can’t your fans spell properly! Shiro why are they thirsty? They need to drink some of that Respect Juice Ryou keeps going on about. Shiro why are there aubergines with water drops??? Ryou and I had to explain that to her and I have rarely been so embarrassed in my life!’

“This whole thing is ridiculous. Like can’t two non straight men, not that they knew, just be friends?” Friends. Friends Lance repeated to himself, “Without shipping them? But nothing. Sounds as funny is a seventy year old japanese lady, my mother, CRITIQUING the comments telling them to do better? I was dying!”

Lance couldn't help but laugh and was acutely aware of where skin touched skin when he had to lean on Shiro for support. 

“ To add insult to injury to that conversation, she was like ‘They don’t know Shiro! He can’t even cook! Not house husband material!’ and Ryou making that’s what she said jokes?” Shiro sighed after trying to subdue his own laughter at the memory “She told them to do better!! I just. I can’t even!! My Dad walking in heard Ryou being so vulgar and then walked out like nothing had happened!” And Shiro was back into hysterics. 

The sunlight falling on his face coupled with the carefree expression and life in his eyes made Lance weak. He would follow Shiro anywhere if he asked. Lance wasn’t entirely shocked by this. He had felt it occasionally but never to this intensity. This was all that Lance was looking for, but what was it worth their happiness and what they already had?

The evening passed in relative ease, and were just like how Lance remembered them. Busy and somewhat like a battle. Everyone was fighting over who used the bathroom or who got to use what when. It was chaos but an organised chaos under Mama Serrano's eye and it was how Lance loved it. He was surprised to find Shiro on his side of the bed calm and relaxes. Oblivious to the world around him.

"Whatcha doing?" Lance asked as he flumped on the bed, already looking forward to being asleep. 

"Playing Rakko Ukabe - you collect otters. Like thats it otters but damn I’m addicted, this fairy otter had visited so many times and ive yet to see it. I want this damn otter and im naming it Foxtrot Oscar the second I do!"

Lance chuckled as he pulled up one of the duvets over his shoulders and turned on his side facing away from Shiro. He fell asleep easily and hoped that tomorrow would be more bearable than the day had been.

_Lance was smiling as someone smiled at him, laughing at his jokes. They picked him and and twirled him and brushed his hair out of his face. He felt lips meet his and the overwhelming sense of mine and how right it was. How they fit together. How beautiful the man was. His long black hair falling out of its bun. How muscles felt as they held Lance close and embraced him flaws and all. How they were lying on a bed and laughing once more as they watched something. Cooking and dancing to music. Going all over. Waking to a weight around him, holding him close like the most precious treasure the other had ever found. The soft kisses to the back of his neck and the sleepy 'I love you'. All the soft touches and goodness._

Then Lance did wake, and arm around his waist and long legs tangled with solid muscle, being somewhat squashed but the best way possible. He found himself being tickled by the ends of Shiro's long hair that had been let down for bed. The silky soft tendrils that decided the best place to rest was on his face and he was sure that even with bed head, Shiro would look ethereal. Lance realised how this was and how he was jetpacking Shiro. Yes, they had agreed to be mature and that yes, they were friends but Lance knew, that’s all they would ever be. Shiro had said that they would be mature about this, that it wouldn’t affect anything and that indeed, he was quite partial to spooning. That it made him feel safe. So Lance was safe to stay as he was, but his heart was not.


	4. I Used To Dream About The Other Side

Shiro had definitely enjoyed waking up to Lance clinging onto him like a koala to its favourite tree. He definitely didn’t pretend to be asleep a few minutes long to enjoy it, resisting the urge to turn round and place a morning kiss somewhere. Or blow raspberries or something else. He wanted to shower the other on compliments and pet names but now wasn’t the time. He didn’t want to misread everything or be another name who hurt Lance. He wanted to be sure of his intentions and his wants. 

_I still have to know about his asexuality,_ he thought to himself, Shiro knew about it generally but not what it meant to Lance. At worst? Shiro still had a hand if the need ever arose and it wasn’t like he was a sex crazed maniac. In any of his relationships, sex had never been a major part for Shiro. His exes yes but Shiro had been rather neutral to it all. He enjoyed it when it happened but he wasn’t bothered about the frequency, or if it happened at all. As long as a ‘no’ was respected he was good. 

When Shiro started to stir, Lance moved away and started to rummage around in the drawers and then picked out a pair of trunks and a snorkel. He threw a pair from Shiro’s suitcase at him which by some grace, hit him in the face.

"A vast improvement Shiro!" 

Shiro allowed himself a look before Lance moved off, he then tied his hair into a bun, the white strands framing the right of his face. He stood and pulled up the trunks, immensely glad his prosthetic was back in the states. No sand in between the stump and the prosthetic material was a great thing to avoid. He felt like he didn’t need to pretend that he had both arms, the stump didn’t offend anyone, nor was there any pitying gazes or false sympathy. It was just who Shiro was, and Lance had welcomed it with all his being. He felt overwhelmingly safe to be himself and Shiro had missed that feeling - bar living with Keith in his own house.. 

Shiro had the feeling Lance would drag him to the beach but was surprised when he had a snorkel thrust at him. Shiro couldn’t resist the smile of enthusiasm that was Lance, he tried to ignore the small brush of their hands that lasted a tad longer than necessary. All the smiles and the way sun glistened on Lance’s skin and the way Lance was showing him a side to him that few would ever see. 

“The beach is pretty isn’t it?” Lance asked as he looked out to the horizon, watching a squall form of in the distance. Chances were the squall wouldn’t affect them but it was gouging its way across the sky, turning into many shades of blues and purples and greys. But no colour in the sky were as beautiful as Lance's eyes, he decided.

“It is,” Shiro replied, his gaze on an oblivious Lance. In many ways Lance was the squall he was admiring. All life and energy tearing through his life making it a summer to remember. Lance was beauty incarnate in a dangerous form and Shiro didn’t know if it was a good idea to stand and let him take him away. From the ground and all that was safe. But squalls fade and disappear and Shiro would follow Lance till the ends of the Eaerth if it meant that Shiro could even glimpse the happiness Lance was exuding now.

Shiro was smitten and he was in this for the long haul, he hoped Lance was the same kind of person too. Shiro wasn’t a casual lay or a few dates worth. He was the adoration and domesticity in the mornings. He was the small realisations of love and making tea certain way because it was the only way his significant other would have it. He wanted to know that he himself was wanted and cherished. That he could wake up one morning and see his world next to him and not want to be anywhere else. 

All he had to do was wait for the right time, maybe when they were home so he could be sure that Lance felt the same way, or at least, the hints of it.

When the first raindrops started to land on them, ShirO grabbed Lance’s hand as they ran back laughing and yelling as if they had nothing in the world holding them back. Shiro jumped Lance as he came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, ruffling Lance’s hair and splating Lance in the face with his own when he turned too fast while putting his hair into a towel hat. Then, he curled around Lance’s waist when Lance had his own shower when he sat on the bed.  
Shiro’s head lay on Lance’s lap and it felt like nothing in the world would disturb them from that moment of peace. Lance’s eyes were filled with something and was just so soft. 

Lance ran a finger through his damp hair and scritched his head, and if Shiro could purr he would have. 

“Want a braid in this?” Lance asked as he messed with a few strands, and Shiro was weak for two things. His hair being messed with and Lance, the two together was heaven. He quickly nodded and scrambled to the floor between Lance’s legs, patiently waiting for Lance to start. And if Lance didn’t think Shiro heard the soft “You really are a cat aren’t you?” He wasn;t going to complain.

Lance’s deft hands started to braid one side of his hair, starting to french braid it with the white forelock through it, then the other side so it met at the top of his head. Lance then started to braid the strands into a ponytail. All the while Shiro was humming to himself, the strands pulling gently and the feeling that he could relax. 

“How do I look?” Shiro asked striking a stupid macho man pose. 

Lance just shot him a glare and then flopped onto the bed and Shiro followed. Lunch wasn’t for another hour and well, they deserve a nap. Lance leaned into him the minute Shiro had got comfy and allowed his arm to fall across Lance, holding him close as Lance nuzzled into the soft shirt. Then Lance did something Shiro thought would never happen, Lance bleary eyed and half asleep, kissed Shiro’s forehead and mumbled a sleep well before dozing off on Shiro’s chest. 

Shiro was now wide awake, was this a platonic kiss? A romantic one? Shiro did not fucking know and all he wanted was a nap - not an existential crisis over a best friend turned into hopeless pining! He wanted to enjoy Lance’s gentle breath against his skin with the rise and fall of Lance’s chest. He wanted to enjoy the feeling of Lance trying to burrow into his side as he got comfy in his sleep. Shiro wanted to believe that this was a thing that would happen without causing his heart to break. Above all Shiro wanted this to be real when Lance was sleep deprived and in need of a comfy spot. 

It all lead to Shiro getting a rough half hour of sleep and honestly was more tired than he had before their nap. But he wouldn’t have let Lance know about it. Shiro would keep his feelings quiet, when Lance found someone who treasured him as Lance deserved, he’d be the first to support him and be happy. If Lance wanted nothing to do with him, he would probably still love Lance on the down low, the small memories in the background, or when Shiro saw something that Lance would have liked. The old videos and photos on his phone he missed during the purge. Shiro wouldn’t let Lance know even if it caused his demise, the only exception being that Lance had said or shown that he had an interest in Shiro. 

Shiro brushed a hair out of Lance’s face while Lance started to toss as he woke up. Lance deserved the world and Shiro knew he wouldn’t have the chance to be the one to hand it to him. Thus, Lance woke to a sad smile and being the ray of light he was, he asked what was wrong. 

“Boy trouble,” was all Shiro could manage.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“There’s this guy, he’s incredible and smart and he just makes everything seem inconsequential. He’s so kind and all I want to do is give him the world,” Shiro wistfully sighed, there was so much he wanted to say but didn’t. 

“So what’s stopping you?”

“He’s not interested in me that way. I would hurt him too much if anything happened between us and I’d ruin a good thing. I don’t want to hurt him, even if it means I’m the one hurting instead…” Lance wrapped Shiro in a hug and Shiro’s mind stopped working while a tear gently rolled down his cheek and dropped onto the bed. 

“You deserve happiness too Shiro, you don’t deserve to be in pain because of a guy. You have me. I know it’s only been a few months but, you’re one of my best friends now and I care about you. This guy clearly doesn’t deserve you. It’s hard but you deserve to be happy as much as they do.”

 _If only you knew, you wouldn’t be saying this,_ Shiro thought sadly but accepted the ever deepening hug and wiped the tear tracks away. 

The next few days passed in a flash, Lance ‘guided’ Shiro around the town a kilometer or so down the road and spent the entire day pointing everything out to Shiro, showing him the best virgin mojitos and other such cocktails. Other days were spent in the house helping Mrs Serrano with the household chores or just lying on the bed chatting shit about everything in their lives. All throughout Lance was there being Lance, the touches and little things he did for Shiro. Things Shiro didn’t know whether or not to read into, a hand on his arm or the caresses while spooning or how Lance’s gaze always lingered a little more on him than anyone else. 

Then there was the odd moment when it was Shiro with Lance’s siblings and parents which were nice or times when Shiro wandered on his own while the Atlantic wind whipped his hair everywhere. It wasn’t even in the sexy manner it was mostly plastered over his face but he liked to imagine he was in a hair product advert. He let the rain fall on him at times and tried to work out what was going on. There had been hints but nothing more, was Lance like this with everyone? The closeness and warmth and the deep sense of belonging?

Shiro had seen Lance interact with his friends like this, always touchy feely and there to offer a hug or a shoulder when he was needed. The first to cheer someone up with a game of silly twenty questions. Lance was there for everyone. 

It was the last day of their trip and Shiro and Lance were sitting in the kitchen cradling hot cocoas in the early hours of the morning. Shiro was awake still, he was too jittery to sleep. He was having a hard time mentally. All the surgeries and subsequent issues when his space exploration career pre lectures had its effects and tonight he didn’t want to close his eyes and feel the phantom pains where his forearm should have been. 

It wasn’t surprising to Shiro when Lance’s soft snores could be heard, so Shiro picked him up, his stump across Lances back and the other supporting his legs as Lance slept. One suitably tucked in on the old sofa he returned to nursing his cocoa.

Footfalls from the floorboards marked Mrs Serrano’s presence, having just watched Shiro pine from a far. 

“Mrs Serrano, I-”

“- No need to call me that, call me Amrita.” She looked over to Lance’s form as he dove deeper into the blanket that Shiro had found, searching for a body that wasn’t there. She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes and it was tinged with sadness and regret. 

“You care for him. Don’t you?”

“He’s my friend! I wouldn’t do anything to make him upset, not intentionally at least,” 

“We all know its more than that. He has had his heart broken too many times to see when they love him anymore, especially when they truly care for him. Back in the day, he hadn’t grown into his height yet and he hadn’t learnt to like his curls, girls asked him out as a joke and when someone did show a genuine interest he was more affectionate or at least, more invested.

“He learnt to dial himself back and hide who he was, who he is on this youtube thing isn’t him. The boy I know is everything all at once and hides everything too well. Also a bit oblivious to his own actions. He wouldn’t have brought you here if you didn’t mean something great to him.

“Thank you for bringing him home again, the real him. Maybe next time, you both would be happier.” She picked up both empty mugs and ran them under the water and placed them next to the small pile of washing that would be done. 

Shiro nodded and offered his arm up for a hug, one he was glad to sink into. It wasn’t like his mothers but it was enough. “I’m glad, he’s so nice and just? I wish I could say all that I want. I have loved staying here and thank you. I really appreciate letting me stay as I guess Lance didn’t give much notice. Just, thank you Amrita.”

“Anytime. Now shoo! Off to bed with you. I only came down for water.” She waved him off but the air was clearer than it had been in a while. 

He did his best to not disturb Lance but failed when he tried to cross the room. Lance made his way to Shiro and draped himself on his side and proceeded to steal the duvet once they had made it to the bed. Shiro laughed a little as he stole some back and instictually went to spoon Lance, letting him feel his bare chest against Lance’s back. It felt right and maybe Shiro was wrong and Lance might return his feelings.

Hope was a dangerous thing for anyone, especially for Shiro. Hope was something that never ended well for him and he had learnt his lesson to accept what he was given and not ask for more. 

Lance was glad when his phone had signal once more, any longer ontthe flight and he would have gone insane. He had heard his mother and Shiro talking. He knew what his mother had meant, he had grown up around her enough to know how much his happiness meant to her and confiding in Shiro like that. Add on what he thought was the shovel talk when Rachel, Luis and Marco, with Veronica on FaceTime, had pulled Shiro aside, he knew what they thought.

He didn’t know if it was a good idea. He didn’t know what to do, all he knew was that he couldn’t talk to Shiro. Not when he had gotten used to cuddling in the mornings while the world still woke up, to the soft rise and fall of Shiro’s chest or the steady heartbeat in the night. It was all he had ever wanted in a relationship, the softness, the tenderness and affection. And it scared him how naturally they fell into that. The whole domesticity of it. Like he could barely remember what he did in the moments before he slept but he felt like something important happened, especially when Shiro looked at him with an expression he couldn’t quite work out. He was never very good at remembering his early mornings or late evenings when his brain was filled with sleep.

**Lancelotl:** Group meeting in 2 hours, please. 

**Hunkalot:** I’ll grab Pidge on the way out. Need me to bring brownies?

 **Lancelotl:** I dont know just sdfghjkghjkbnm

 **Pidgey:** Lance you jsut got in whats happened? Do I need to hack Shiro or something?

 **Hunkalot:** Lance?

 **Lancelotl:** Can I explain when I’m there? Going through security in five. 

Lance closed the chat and looked up at Shiro, sweet, kind Shiro who was holding his hand as if it was the most normal thing to do in the world. They had both taken a week out of their lives to live in a blissful bubble, and well, the proximity had done nothing good for Lance’s heart. The few romantic crushes and resulting relationships had taken their toll and though he knew Shiro wouldn’t hurt him, he didn’t want to hurt Shiro. Shiro would have wants and needs, things Lance couldn’t give him and it wasn’t worth starting something only for it to come crashing down. 

Dating Lance might seem like a good idea but the reality, it wasn’t worth the effort. He was broken and he wasn’t worth the time and effort he gave and warranted. He was happier with friends and being alone. He had Marnie, and when all was said and done, Lance was used to the feeling of being alone, being cast aside. He had his family but he knew where his future was and it wasnt with anyone standing by his side. He might even take that promotion to do animal preservation at sea, even if it meant him being sea sick for the rest of his life and Marnie finding her sea legs if possible. Distance from everything and everyone would be good. It was better if he was the only one who got hurt. 

They passed through security eventually and they waited for baggage to drift by. 

“You feel better? Being away from it all?” Lance asked, still unsure why Shiro’s hand had gravitated back to his.

“You know what? It did, it’s also made me more sure of things too. I loved spending the time with you and your family. I think it was exactly what I needed,” he smiled. And Lance saw that look in Shiro’s eyes. Fondness, tenderness, like Lance was worth something. 

Lance felt something inside of his heart break, and it hurt. Maybe it was the last bit of hope he had or the reality of his life crashing down on him crushing anything good that may once have existed, now dust in a broken husk of a person. He knew he was asexual didnt mean he had to like what that came with, and all he wanted was to be wanted the way he dreamed about, where him being ace wasnt an issue. 

The carousel had started to turn and as soon as Lance saw his suitcase, he grabbed it and waited for Shiro’s. They left and at pick up, Keith was waiting to one side. He saw Shiro’s smile grow bigger and ran to hug him, and Lance saw his chance to slip away. He went to the taxi rank and got a lift home. Lance pretended to not hear the desperate calls of his name or feel the regret in his heart. 

He felt his phone vibrate constantly until they stopped, he paid and let himself back into his room and let the tears fall as he sobbed into his hands. Marnie, upon hearing his arrival and subsequent breakdown, nuzzled her way onto his lap and started to lick the bare skin of his arm.


	5. I Will Fall For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter of the main story. There will be a sort of epilogue because I cant leave this AU alone..... oooops...

He didn’t know how much time had passed when a knock on the door was heard and Hunk’s voice could be heard. He heard the lock being picked which meant Pidge was there too. He felt Hunks strong arms wrap around his shoulders and Pidge hug his front and he cried into her shoulder till he ran out of tears to shed. 

“Lance you’re breaking my heart here,” Pidge whispered and Lance had never been so glad he had friends who loved him. “What happened?” she asked, moving the hair out of his face. Despite her hard exterior, she had a heart of gold and she didn’t want anything to happen to her adopted brother. 

“I caught feelings again, and I cant hurt him. I can’t let him be hurt. I can’t let myself be hurt.” Lance’s voice was hoarse and the aftershocks of the sobs still wracked his body. Hunk and Pidge shared a look, they both had been his rock and all for so long, since they had first set eyes on Lance and claimed him as their best friend. He was what kept them all together over the years, refusing to let their friendship die, nurturing it and letting it grow and he had been there for them so many times. But in all that time, it had never been this bad. Lance must have fallen hard if Lance hurt this much. 

“How about I put your clothes in the wash and I make some of my famous brownies, I’ll even hand make the fudge too.” Lance nodded and he clung onto Pidge, who was soothing his back, relaying all the shit she did to people who were jerks to her. Mainly along the line of very bad science puns. Anything to get even the smallest of smiles from Lance.

In her arms and the smell of Hunks baking, Lance felt safe and wanted and slowly he started to share what had happened on his week away, including how Lance had feigned sleep and overheard his mothers conversation with Shiro after being moved.. Lance had expected to let his feelings die not tear him apart. Pidge and Hunk listened and didn’t judge him and neither protested when Lance fell asleep on him, jet lag and the emotional distress taking its toll on him. 

“What are we gonna tell them?” Hunk asked as he tucked Lance into his bed and soothed his hair as Lance’s breathing hitched, his hands searching for a body that wasn't there. Pidge found a very rotund Psyduck plush and it seemed to placate the sleeping Lance. 

“I don’t know Hunk, Lance is so scared. Maybe if we talk to Shiro, explain the why but not enough that we break Lance’s trust. Just the whole ace thing being used against him. I’m lucky in that respect. Everyone I came out to as ace has been nothing but accepting and I just want him to be happy.” 

“I’ll send Shiro a message. Tell him, that Lance is ok but will need some space, and that we will help explain how this happened?”

“Yeah, that’s a plan.” Pidge shot a look back to Lance before they too settled down, Lance always had a spare mattress for their sleepovers and neither of the friends wanted to leave Lance on his own. 

When Lance woke up, Pidge and Hunk had already woken up and Allura had made her way in as well. Her bone crushing hug may have winded him but he had all he needed here. Friends who stood by him and were dragging some of the people on the tv screen. 

“Come on that top stitching is clearly ok!!!” Allura yelled and almost threw her cereal at the screen. For the first time since he had ran, Lance scoffed, smiled and made her budge up. She had started to watch The Great British Sewing Bee without him. How dare she. It wasn’t like project runway and it was all friendly and good hearted and there was no drama. Gods, he had enough drama to last a lifetime. A fried breakfast got handed to him as the others joined them and restarted from the beginning and Lance felt better. Maybe, if he avoided everything and focused on Marnie and work, he would be fine. Take a hiatus from his youtube channel and learn to live again. Be like Pidge who owned her ace-ness. Know that he would be alone forever but he had friends who loved him by his side. Their love was no better or less than the romantic kind he yearned for but he had it and their love for each other was strong and true. 

Shiro was going spare, he was here! Lance was _here!!!!_ He looked around desperately and called Lance’s name over and over, tears welled up in his eyes and no! It wasn’t meant to be like this! Shiro had wanted to drop Lance of home, walk him to the door and be subjected to Keiths teasing at his smitten face. Ask what he has wanted to ask because, here Lance didnt have his family watching. He wanted to know if the hope that had engulfed him like a wildfire had been worth it, that Lance could date him, no sexual elements necessary. 

Keith picked up his luggage and took him to the car. Shiro phoned Lance, just wanting to know he was safe, he didn’t care if he looked desperate, he wanted to know Lance was _safe_. 

He left his phone after an hour and a few hours later he received a text from Hunk. He messaged rapidly thanking him and agreeing to meet Pidge and Hunk the next day.

So here Shiro was, sitting in a secluded cafe in the furthest seat he could, worried out of his mind waiting for two of Lance’s best friends. All he wanted to know was if Lance was ok. He looked up as the doorbell rang, relieved to see the odd pair walk through the door. He was sure his red eyes and anxious expression made him stand out, that, and he was the only person there.

The sat and well, they looked like they hadn’t slept well either. 

“So Lance is with Allura binging a series. We decided it was best to let you know what is happening. 

“So, Lance told us you know he is ace. And well, it is what has ended all his relationships, and the way they treated him. We’ve done our best as friends but. Well. Lance is a romantic at heart and kills any hint of feelings before anything happens, mostly to save himself from heartbreak.” Pidge explained and Shiro could feel his heart drop. Did that mean, Lance didn’t like him or want to be seen by him? 

“He told us what happened and his feelings. We don’t want to break his trust but its bad, and he fell deeply this time and this was not even being in a relationship. We think it’s best if you see him but whatever you believe, for the love of them, don’t hurt him.” Hunk continued.

“We want to see our friend happy and well, he hadn’t been as happy as he was with you. Just don’t be a dick. We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t care. We can let Allura know if you want to see him soon?” Pidge asked, and gods, that’s all Shiro wanted to do. He nodded and he was itching to go but he knew he had to plan. And he had no one better than the two in front of him and another just a message away. 

He just wanted to wrap Lance in his arms and never let the world harm Lance again. Shiro wanted to let Lance know he wasn't going to do any of that or let him down. Shiro wanted Lance happy.

“You’re good to go when you want, just give Allura a heads up.” Pidge said as they paid their bill. “I hope you both are happy, you got this.” He hadn’t realised he needed a hug until Hunk and Pidge embraced him and while it wasnt Lance’s, it gave him some comfort.

The drive to the flat where Lance lived was tense and Shiro kept steeling himself, trying to not let his resolve fall apart. The rain started to fall and it only got heavier. Its how he found himself outside Lance’s building, waiting on Allura to tell Shiro it was ok to come on up. The rain pelted the little car and he didn’t bother with the wipers. The beeping of his phone alerted him and he got drenched in the short walk to the door where Allura held it open. 

“Dare I ask?” He asked though he knew the answer, and her grim smile said it all.

“He’s fragile right now, seeing you might break him a bit. I don’t know. I’ll be in the cafe if you need me ok?” Allura patted his shoulder as she passed by and Shiro felt a lump grow and the black hole of anxiety in his stomach grow by the second.

Shiro climbed the staircase, each step harder than the last until he stopped at the slightly ajar door where the soft sounds of piano music came. Shiro had seen the small upright in the corner but never have dreamed Lance could play as he did. It was soft and sad, and Lance was in pain. He opened the door and let it close. The music stuttered and Lance was a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Lance,” Shiro’s heart missed beats in the tense silence. He couldn’t control his feet as they took one step, two then three until he was embracing Lance, his flesh hand running through Lance’s hair and his prosthetic keeping him close. Shiro felt the tears well up and wasn’t ashamed to let them fall. He had been so scared and worried and Lance was there and heartbroken and nothing had hurt Shiro as much as seeing Lance as alone as he had just been. 

“Hun, sweetheart, _Lance,_ I was so worried, I, I never meant to hurt you and I know I can’t promise to never do it again but I will try my utmost to ensure I don’t. Lance, I -”

“Shiro please, no. I don’t want it. I can’t hurt you or let myself be hurt! Not again! I won’t and can’t give you what you want, you like the idea of me, not this!” Lance gestured to himself and saw the tears that rolled down Lance’s face as he struggled to believe what he heard. All Shiro wanted to do was wipe them away and ensure they would never fall again, tell him he was loved at any time he needed. It became a physical pain too, not because he only wanted Lance but seeing Lance so distraught, it was like nothing he had felt before.

Shiro let his own tears fall. “You think all I care about in a relationship is sex? That it is a deal breaker? The be all and end all? Lance, I like _you!_ Your over the top family who made me one of them and didn’t judge me, your insecurities and your laugh. The entirety of you! How you sacrifice your own happiness to make someone else happy. The guy who works in an aquarium who cant resist educating kids because he cares so much. The man I am most definitely falling for. The man I can see myself being in love with, completely and utterly besotted with. His smile, his gravity and kindness, his thoughtfulness and how much his friends care for him and that he literally became my world for just a week and it wasn’t enough. I could have eternity and it would never be enough time with you.”

“Shiro? You’re sure? But what abou-”

“-No. If I feel anything like that I have a hand. I care more about you, and I’d rather go without than spend another day like the day like the last twenty-four hours.” Shiro had no idea when he had cupped Lance’s face and gently caressed his cheek. “I want to wake up to you and know there is nothing better than the soft moments. Most of all? I want you to be happy and know that I’m the cause of it.”

“Are you sure? You sure that I’m really worth all the effort? I mean. I’m me, no one wants to deal with a sex repulsed ace..”

“I’ll prove it to you everyday if I have to, you accept me as I am, a man trying to live his life and hoping to do right by you and you doing right by me?”

He didn’t get an answer, instead Lance had closed the minimal space between them and he was gazing into Shiro’s face, searching him and all Shiro could do was get lost in his eyes. When Lance closed his eyes and placed a sweet kiss on Shiro’s nose, Shiro died and ascended to heaven. It was soft and perfect and Lance. They had time to work on boundaries it seemed.

“I want to make sure every time you have phantom pains I’m there, when you feel everything is getting to you or when life is too hard to face, I want to be there. I want to see you smile because damn it could end climate change. You’re kind, and just so accepting and I think you ruined everyone else for me. You’re amazing and I think I fell for you ages ago, I’m already half in love with you. You’re selfless to a fault and just, there is so much I wanna say but I’ll never say them all and thats a crime. I’d never find anyone remotely near as you. I want you for as long as you want me, forever and a day and then some.

“Will you accept me as I am? A bit broken but working to be better, to be better becauseI want to be better for you. Gods I want to kiss you right now and adore you,”

Shiro kissed Lance’s forehead and connected his and Lance’s, it was fine, they had time it seemed and well, Shiro hadn’t minded.

“Does this mean I can get cuddles on demand?” He asked and was proud of the resulting blush that filled Lance’s skin.

“Who says it cant have kisses either. I may need time to work up but, I trust you and well, I more than like you too.” 

Lance took Shiro’s hand and led him to the bed nest he had created in the attempt to be comfy and dragged Shiro down with him, latching on and Shiro was in no mood to protest. He sent a smiley face and thumbs up to Allura and kissed Lance’s cheek. Lance giggled, he _giggled_ and got comfy, and they drifted off into a dreamless sleep. 

**Pidgey** to **Ineffable Husbands pt 2**

_Pidgey sent 4 photos_

**Pidgey** I went to check up on them and they had left the door open. Im getting cavities.

**Allura is Best** Its sweet. I’m happy for them.

**Pidgey** I think we all are. 

**STABBY STABBY** As much as I’m happy for them. DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO DO IT SO DRAMATICALLY  
 **STABBY STABBY** REALLY!!!????!!!   
**STABBY STABBY** But they deserve the happiness, btw.  
 **STABBY STABBY** Dibs on best man.

**Hunkalot** Fuck you keith

**STABBY STABBY** Literally or metaphorically big guy?

**Pidgey** Flirt in your own chat guys!!!

Skip Advert? 

Advert skipped.

Lance: So hello everyone! I’m finally back off hiatus!! I finally got over my sea sickness - it helps if its not actual storm I’m sailing in! I have so many book reviews and ooof. Marnie! ZEE!! GET BACK HERE AT ONCE. SHIRO GET YOUR CAT AWAY FROM THE CAMERA NOW!! ZEEEEE!!!!

_the camera falls over and everything is sideways and Shiro appears and sits with Lance, arm around Lance’s waist, Shiro gives Lance a soft kiss and neither catch the soft looks they give each other. A small cat sits in Lances lap while a big Maine coon climbs over the pair_

Shiro: I’m glad to have my husband back! I can only do so many reviews by myself!

Lance: You just missed this awesomeness.

Shiro: You know I did hun.

They start to talk about their latest book review and at the end they plug the conservation chanel to see the latest updates, the conservation insta and the cats insta, with Marnie and Zee being fabulous on a live stream too.

When the recording ends, the couple smile and couldn’t be more in love. They had their ups and downs, but they made it work. Sure it may not have been conventional and they did share a house with four other people and their own child and many cats. But some families are a normal and then there’s theirs and they wouldn’t change it for the world.


	6. I'm Still Here...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Shiro go to Japan, three years on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo i couldnt leave this alone and here were are like 4k later. ooops. its minimal angst and a lot of fluff.

Shiro never did travel back to Japan well. He was tired, he was full of cramps and all he wanted was to crash on the nearest bed. However, he was with Lance, who was already dragging hIm to his own parents. To add insult to injury, his parents owned the smallest car they possibly could, especially as he and Ryou were tall and his parents, well, they were not. He didn't even know why Ryou had tagged along in the first place! There wasn't enough room in the damn car! And it wasn’t like he could have driven on his own, or got a bus! Shiro may have been a bit cranky and sleep deprived. Sue him. However, he didn't mind that Lance was squished up to him or that he was using him as a pillow. Or not caring to hide the soft smiles as Lance dozed on him and continued to make Ryou more uncomfortable on the other side. Sibling rivalries never really died down did they?

Though Shiro couldn’t help but smile at Lance’s wonder as they passed through the towns and mountain passes. He hoped that the sakura would be in bloom when they arrived, there was nothing nicer than walking down them in the evening sun and he wanted to share it with Lance.

“Lance! You have any food allergies?”

“No Mrs Shirogane! But, do you have forks and stuff? My hand cramps if I use chopsticks for too long, I’m sorry,” Lance replied, Shiro fondly remembered teaching Lance how to use them in the first place. But the cramps became a problem during use.

“We have both! Udon in ramen can be hell to pick up anyway, I prefer yaki soba anyway. Is there anything you would like Lance? Yasai gyoza? Katsu? I can probably even find Takashi’s old bento box given enough time!” His mother was not doing this to him. Shiro was dying of embarrassment and Ryou was losing his mind on the other side of the car. 

“Lance! I gotta show you the photos from school. Baby Taka? _It was the best._ Our parents tried to give us bowl cuts except I got out of it. How long did you have that haircut Taka? Four months at least?”

Shiro wasn't pouting, Takashi Shirogane did not pout. But Lance’s arm laced through his reassured him and kissed the top of Lance’s head.

“Reminds me of the time Mama let us do our own hair that one time and the first time. I just didn't brush it and it was Rachel’s, my twin sister, first time doing plaits without help. All sticking out and more spikey tufts rather than neat braids. The best part? It was picture day. Immortalised forever with us being goofballs.” Lance himself was near hysterics and he was sure Ryou had ascended to some astral plane as he laughed himself hoarse. He was relaxed and it felt good to be back in Japan. It felt good to be coming home. 

Though, recently, home was wherever Lance was. He just hoped Lance liked it as much as Shiro himself. He wanted to take Lance to the temples and to the local market and try the street food, he wanted to make sure they were happy. And maybe, allow them to go to the local pride celebration the village held. 

Mercifully for Shiro, the ride home was soon over as their small farm came into view. The fields or various vegetables covered a fair distance and he recognised some of the faces of the people working on them. Ryou’s studio had extended a bit, apparently because Ryou didn't have enough room for all the weaponry he was working on, ‘swords just don't make themselves Taka!’ And there was their house. It was simple and nice and the orchard behind was covered in swathes of pink and the occasional fuschia. The mountain air filled his lungs and he picked Lance up and spun him in excitement. 

He looked at Lance, and he was sure no one could tell who was smiling more. Lance’s bright eyes shone in the light reflecting off the snow capped mountains and Shiro was so in love it was ridiculous. He cradled Lance’s face and pressed a kiss to Lance’s forehead before stealing another on Lance’s nose. 

“Sap!” Lance yelled and Shrio picked him up and their luggage.

“But you love this sap!”

“Yeah, I really do..” Lance sighed as he was let down and took his share of their stuff. It was with giddy excitement that Shiro took Lance’s hand, gave it a soft squeeze and lead him to his old bedroom. 

Lance was in awe, the house was old, much like his family’s in Cuba, and though he had expected a tatami in Shiro’s room he was pleasantly surprised to find a double bed.

“I could never sleep on them,” Shiro explained, especially after my arm was amputated. “This was the first thing I bought with my own money. I was completely broke till the next payday but it was worth it.” Lance smiled at that, it was completely Shiro. Lance fell onto the bed and smiled up to the ceiling, and Shiro knew that home was wherever he would wake up next to Lance. He carefully engulfed Lance in his arm as he felt himself fall into Lance’s entire being. 

Shiro started by pressing small kisses into Lance’s neck, who hummed and turned to face Shiro, and all Shiro could do was gaze into his eyes. Unwittingly his hand moved stray strands of Lance’s curls out of Lance’s face, Shiro swore he always got lost in those blue eyes, and kissed Lance’s nose, his forehead, any bit of skin he could, just soft kisses and Lance’s gentle laughter was music to Shiro’s ears. 

“As comfy as you two seem, dinner is ready,” Shiro’s mother said and oh gods, his _mother_ had walked in on them being incredibly domestic, and although they never really had a sexual life, he would have preferred her walking knocking first! But before he could answer, Lance’s stomach did it for them. Lance laughed a little more into Shiro’s chest and pulled them along, and Shiro smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so embarrassing after all. 

Dinner was a chaotic affair as usual, his mother was trying to feed them all up and kept on adding and he was glad Lance’s mother was the same, otherwise the large bowl of noodles and miso would have defeated any other opponent. Ryou had tried to flick noodles his way before their mother gave them the look and Lance was just smiling away, just happy to be there. Then his mother really had to go ruin the moment. 

“So, you have any more haters on the youtube thing?”

“Ma! No Just aaagghhhhhh,” Shiro let his head fall on the table and buried it under his arm. He was dying of embarrassment and Ryou was killing himself from barely restrained laughter. “Why would you ask that?!” He replied but all they heard was a sort of muffled angst.

“Nah, it's been chill, we stick to our own channels with our reviews but we still do some together. I think we got most of them blocked. There's the occasional one or two but not like there used to be.” 

Shiro remembered those first few videos and the weeks that followed. Their first one wasn't too bad, the second wasn't either. It was just after their Stardust video that it all kicked off. Some people made a post calling them boyfriends and the internet latched on and rose it’s ugly head. Both Lance and himself were content to be small voices yelling into the void but after that, both of them had taken a long hiatus and that fateful trip to Lance family home.  
Shiro squeezed Lance’s hand for replying while he died from mortification. Then he wished the floor would open up when his mother spoke again.

“They didn't really make a good job of it! The grammatical errors and how some of them didn't make sense? Do you want to see the grading scale I made of them?” 

Ryou laughed at Shiro’s misery, who in retaliation, kicked him under the table and their mother glared at them.

“Maybe later? The meal won't eat itself.” Lance replied and tucked back in.

Shiro couldn't help but look at Lance, he was his world after all, and even if it was ungainly, watching Lance try to eat the udon noodle was adorable. The face’s he made and it reminded him how in love he was with the man next to him. 

Soon enough the meal was over and while Lance was helping to wash up, Shiro helped Ryou with some of the other household chores. 

“Pretty smitten then?”

“Yeah, I love him Ryou. He doesn't mind nor care that I do or don't wear my prosthetic or that sometimes I have bad days. He’s so good to me,”

“Yeah, the gooey eyes earlier really didn't help hide it,”

“Who says I’m trying to hide it?”

“Touche Taka, Touche.”

That night, Lance and Shiro collapsed in their bed, it was weird for Shiro it was _his_ bed, he had bought it and no one had ever shared it with him in a romantic sense. But, Shiro was starting to think of it as theirs, Lance belonged in this bed with him. They had their ups and downs but they worked through it, allowed communication and Shiro wouldn't change all this for anything in the world. 

In a little moment, they were in their own world, Lance curled up in his arm’s embrace facing Shiro. Hot air brushing over his skin and Lance was looking at him like he was hanging the stars in their place. Shiro was sure his face was equally as doting and star struck. Lance smiled and shifted up slightly, one hand resting on Shiro’s cheek and the other at his waist. Their lips met and he allowed Lance to lead, soft and sweet and Shiro could taste the toothpaste Lance had used and kept chasing what Lance gave him but never more than what Lance was willing to give. 

Shiro was lucky, so lucky to have Lance. The kiss they were sharing was all he needed. Not once had Lance’s asexuality had been an issue, and Shiro couldn't believe that Lance was his, and he was Lance’s. 

“I'm so lucky,” Shiro whispered, and pulled Lance closer, “You’re too good to me,”

“You sap, but you’re my sap.” Shiro was practically preening and laughed gently. Lance tucked his face into Shiro’s neck and felt his breaths even out as Lance fell into a deep sleep. Shiro soon followed, lulled by the thoughts of waking up to Lance bathed in the dawn’s light and exactly how ethereal Lance would look, with his messy curls and sweater paws as he cradled a mug of tea. To say he was smitten still was the understatement of the century. 

Lance woke up rested and cosy. Shiro had moved in his sleep and had ended up as the little spoon, and without a doubt, Lance loved making Shiro feel protected and safe in his sleep. There were still nights where both had nightmares or insomnia, but they made sure that the other was there and after a while knew how to help.

Mornings with Shiro were some of the nicest things he could imagine. They had taken their time in their relationship before they decided to move in together. They wanted to know each other properly, not just a week in Cuba he had sprung on Shiro. It was all worth it, a sleepy Shiro was adorable and he was always serene in sleep despite the odd snore here and there. 

Lance tucked Shiro in as he left the bed, he was craving tea and knew they had a collection of it curtesy for Shiro. He was waiting for the water to boil in the kettle as he debated on whether he wanted a milky oolong or a strawberry rooibos, when he heard footsteps.

“Hey Ka…. Mr Shirogane, Sir?” Lance was concerned, should he not be here? Was he gonna yell about using the tea? In the end, Shiro’s father got another mug from the shelf and added a tea bag of ‘vanilla sundae black tea’ and chose the milky oolong for Lance. 

“You can call me Haruo you know, I’m usually the only one up at this time anyway. The milky oolong is good to wake up to.” He poured the water into his own mug then waited for it to cool down somewhat before pouring it into Lance’s. Lance didn't know what to say, _this is how Takashi must have felt at mine_ Lance thought. He was nervous and he didn't really know what to say, for all his bluster and false confidence, he really didn't know what he needed to do. 

“Taka talks about you a lot, it's nice to meet you at last. It's always nice to meet a fellow ace too.”

Silence hung in the air and the only thing Lance could fully register was the smell of the oolong tea leaf. Lance grounded himself in its smell and followed it back, not wanting to freak out. Beyond Shiro, Lance hasn't really talked about it. Not beyond a superficial level anyway. 

“I’m Biromantic too. Just, I never really know how to talk about it. You go online and there's such hate and it's hard to feel well wanted. I have a friend on the ace spectrum but she owns it. Me? It's a part I kind of hate. I don't feel normal or like I’m giving Kashi what he deserves. I feel like I’m still broken despite what Kashi tells me. Consciously I believe it but there's always the feeling that I’m not good enough, I’ll never be enough.”

Lance hadn't realised how honest he was being, maybe it was because Harou wasn't Pidge, Harou lived half a world away in a house with a forge and orchard. Lance let it out in a way only speaking to another could allow for. 

“Lance, In my day, men were meant to be family people, always strong and supporting the world on their shoulders. There were expectations behind doors as well. The one thing we are not is broken, and even if we are, we take the pieces that fall off or crack and we fix them. Be it with gold or glue or love in any form. Being ace is something thats apart of you, like your love for my Taka or me growing older. 

“You will find hate everywhere it's just, allowing yourself to find a way to love it in someway. I have Akiko and Ryou and Taka. I don't think of my asexuality as a major part of me, a defining feature, there's other things to judge me by. How I treat people, how my actions affect people, my choices and my reactions. My whole being is more important than a slither of it. I love my wife and kids and just because I don't see why I would instantly thirst over someone, as you kids say these days, doesn't mean I am any less or any more than anyone else.

“I am me and you are you and nothing but ourselves will change who we are.”

Lance felt tears slip down his face, he’d never been able to have such a frank talk, nor be able to talk to ace person who was older than him, wiser than him. He was the only person he relied on for too long and he placed his mug down and embraced Harou. His hug was easily returned.

“It's always good to know you're never alone, you’ll always be welcome here,”

“Not like I want to give Kashi up,”

“Not even like that, we all have an LGBT Parent in some way, I was Taka’s and if you want, I'll be yours. Join us for the small pride we have?”

“I’d love all of that,” and Lance meant it. He took a sip of his tea, looked at it, then to Harou and back to the mug. 

“Forget Kashi, I’m marrying this tea.” He nursed it and embraced his inner Gollum much to Harou’s amusement.

And Lance didn't see Harous small knowing smile as he brought the last mug up to Akiko. 

The day passed with some ease, Shiro took him around the area, on a small hike and buying more groceries and small things.

“I didn't expect your father to be so direct with his feelings. I thought it was more reserved?” Lance asked.

“Ah, our family moved to America and then the internment camps happened and they left on the first boat they could after they were allowed to be free again. Dad was four when they were incarcerated. They didn't have the luxury of indirectness half the time. Something about life being too short. Mum is more traditional in that sense, its weird,” Shiro answered, life certainly wasn't ever simple. “Like this village is mostly full of people who wouldn't be part of society as a whole. The two spinster aunts over there? They're a couple who call each other the stars and the moon. Hiro, is transgender and everyone has their own masculine pet name for him, he’s aro but he is loved nonetheless. And there's me, full of americanisms. But you know what I say to them about you?”

Lance shook his head and was too absorbed in Shiro and just how much Lance loved him. His whole being vibrated from the force of that love. 

“Mi amor, I call you _my reason for everything,_ ”

Lance stood on his toes and made sure, Shiro could pull away. Shiro didn't, his eyes just searched Lance’s and Lance just got lost in the steely grey storms that devoured him body and soul. He kissed Shiro like he had never kissed before. It was tame considering most relationships, but it contained every gram of love Lance held for Shiro. He even dared to run his tongue against Shrios lips and allowed Shiro’s to run wild in his. They weren't even in the village, just the pathway up to the house. Lance knew for certain he was going to make it work. He allowed Shiro to lead, following the frantic moving of his lips, the small nips and the sucking on his bottom lip. Parting from it truly was such sweet sorrow.

“I have to find one for you too mi amor, though, Te quiero. Te amo. I love you in all the ways I can.”

“Let's get the groceries and then continue?” Shiro said, and Lance knew it would never be further than his limits, but damn him if he wasn't excited about it. 

Shiro had not expected Lance to kiss him like that or how far they went after. Lance kissed in a way they hadn't before. It felt like a promise above all, that their love was true and maybe Shiro lingered on it as they bought the groceries. He certainly had thought about Lance the entire time and they had been an item for three years now. They had an apartment together, they had their cats and they had worked out how Lance could get a promotion but stay at the sanctuary but still; be able to research while Shiro could be close and maintain his own career. They had fought and compromised and loved. Maybe it was time, they had talked a bit and both had been aimable to the idea so it wouldn't be a stretch to ask. 

They walked back and put away the meat on supplies for dinner, and Shiro couldn't help but lead Lance up to his room, holding on to his hand as they went. Shiro was smiling, so so much. Not to say Lance wasn't, just a look of confusion mixed in. Shiro isn't usually this open in his happiness, it was more subtle which could easily be passed off as apathy or neutrality. Lance could read him but Shiro just couldn't wait. 

As soon as they had gotten into his room, Shiro locked it and pressed Lance close, hand holding his face and Shiro was as gone as the day he first realised how much he loved Lance. 

“Can I?” Shiro asked, he needed to know how far he could go, he would never go beyond whatever line Lance drew but he wanted to give Lance everything. 

Lance nodded and Shiro caressed his face before he caught Lance’s lips in his, all the passion from before poured over and he felt Lance go weak in his arm and he moved them to the bed. Lance was on top, and Shiro was letting Lance have his way. Small nips and tugs and his tongue was doing things to Shiro. But Lance was the main focus, how every touch sent shivers where skin met skin, Lance took off his shirt and Shiro took off his. Nothing they hadn't seen before but this was something different from the domestic intimacy of before. This was contact and Shiro was basking in Lance. 

Lance lay on Shiro’s chest and allowed his fingers into the strands of Shiro’s hair, and all that went through Shiro’s mind was Lance. Letting him go as far as he wanted and not pushing. He was also wondering when it would be a good idea to breathe again. 

Soon enough Lance had decided the same and hugged Shiro’s sides. Shiro brought his hand up and stroked through Lance’s hair, pressing soft kisses to Lance’s face and head. 

“You don't mind this? The non sexual thing?” Lance asked into the silence.

“No hun, I do not mind in the slightest. Only however far you want to go,”

“But what about you!” Lance asked, his voice was high and slightly forced, nothing to the soft nothings from before. 

“What about me?”

“How is it fair? it’s always how far I want to go and never you! Like? I know you sometimes want more or have needs too. It’s never you.” Oh, Lance must have felt something and started to over think. 

“If I wanted more then I would have told you, if I wanted that to be a major part of a relationship, I would have said so and maybe not even been in this relationship. If I wanted to go further then I would have said and talked to you about it first. Waking up to a boner is always awkward but that's what cold showers are for! It's just a natural reaction that happens, Love,” Shiro’s heart ached for Lance he just wanted Lance to be happy. Shiro was happy but he knew that he would sometimes have to reassure him.

“But what if I wanted to, for you? Not for me, but just for you?” Lance asked, soft and quiet, almost as if it shouldn’t be heard.

“As long as you were ok with it, knew that you could stop at any time and had no obligation to then yeah, it wouldn’t just be for me. I’d want you to have fun too. I love you too much to hurt you.” Lance nuzzled into Shiro’s neck and he could no doubt feel the shivers it sent down Shiro’s spine. 

“You're too good to me,” Lance mumbled and Shiro just smiled as they settled for a short nap.

“Shiro what are we doing out here! Akiko and Harou made dinner already! Why couldn't we look at the blooms later, they’ll still be there!” Lance whined as they strolled through the orchard. But Shiro knew the weather wouldn't be as clear. The sun was setting over the mountains. Reds faded into oranges which faded to purple and black. Stars were shining and the full moon was making its way across the heavens. 

“Maybe I want to work up an appetite hun?” Shiro replied, laughter fell easily thenas Lance linked their arms and kept on walking. At the bottom of the orchard, the house in the background, the sky reflected in the pond where their ducks were settling in for the night, Shiro stopped them and turned to face Lance. Flesh and metal took Lance’s hands in his and Shiro could have sworn that there were more stars in Lance’s eyes than the sky. 

“Lance, Would you be my husband?” Shiro asked breathlessly. He thought he had a whole speech, telling Lance just how much he loved him, but in the end, it was just one small simple question full of adoration. 

“Are you proposing to me?” Lance asked and his eyes started to glimmer and a lump rose in Shiro’s throat. 

“I am. If you’ll have me in that way,” 

“Of course I do, Kashi, my love, my hero.”

Lance sat down at the table and leaned on Shiro, dopey smiles adorning their faces. Lance didn't think he had felt this happy. Shiro wanted _him_! In such a way that Lance never thought he’d be lucky enough to be. He was wanted and happy and Lance never thought that Shiro would have proposed so soon. Admittedly it was three years but Lance knew they were essentially married already, in always but an actual ceremony. 

“You two seem happy,” Ryou said as he walked in, dumping his leather apron on a chair. 

“We are,” they said in unison and burst into giggles. Ryou just rolled his eyes and started to pig out into the sukiyaki. 

Lance knew he would have to tell his parents and why not kill two birds with one stone, tell everyone at the same time. But for now it was their secret though he was sure Akiko and Harou already knew based on the knowing looks and questions such as ‘Were we that bad?’

Lance was happy and it seemed that Shiro was as well, based on the looks he couldn't hide or the blush that coloured his face. Admittedly, the thought of being Shiro’s husband caused him to blush too. He loved Shiro with every fibre of his being and so did Shiro. Maybe that walk in the orchard wasn't such a bad idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and as always comments and kudos give me life!

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR REAADDINNGGGG <3


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